Anywhere But Here
by Christobel Cullen
Summary: Bella never made it to Forks. She faced death and survived. But, then...she met Edward. He changed everything. NonCanon AU.
1. Chapter 1

It was a small plane.

It had propellers and the pilot was the only crew member. He welcomed us with a smile and shook hands with me and the other eight passengers.

As the plane took off, and navigated its way towards Port Angeles, the roar of the engine threatened to distract me from my troubled thoughts. Phoenix - Seattle - Port Angeles - Forks. I was going to live with my father. I wasn't necessary happy about it, but it was the right thing to do. I wanted my mother Renee to be happy and enjoy her new marriage to Phil. In return, I'd get to spend time with the father I usually only saw two weeks a year, and perhaps have some peace and quiet. Charlie didn't hover like my mother did. Life with Renee was all I'd ever known, but she depended on me too much. A teenager shouldn't have to pay bills and make sure there were enough groceries in the house. I loved my mother, but I was thankful she now had Phil to look after her.

Cold, wet, cloudy Forks. I hadn't been back in years, even though I'd spent my summers there as a child. It was my least favorite place in America, and now my new home. I already missed the warmth and sunshine of Arizona. Not only did the weather in Forks make me miserable, I would also be transferring during the last few months of my Junior year of high school. Would I make any friends? In Phoenix, my class was over a thousand people. Charlie mentioned the entire high school in Forks had only three hundred and fifty students. The new girl would be noticed. Ugh.

Moving to Forks was my choice. I'd exiled myself. But, really, truly, I wanted to be anywhere but here. I sighed and looked out the window. Even though I didn't like the weather, I found the Pacific-Northwest really beautiful; the mountains, the lush and extensive forests were captivating, mysterious.

I sighed. I could focus on the positive...whatever small scraps I could find. I was good at pushing unpleasant thoughts out of my mind. I was a suffer in silence kind of person. I wouldn't think of my unhappiness any longer and I wouldn't complain. This was my life now...at least until I graduated from high school. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Charlie would give me a bit of freedom and classes probably wouldn't be that difficult at such a small high school. I calculated the dates in my mind. Eighteen months until I went to college. I sighed again. It sounded like a prison sentence.

Suddenly, the plane began to shake, unusually so, and the noise that had been distracting me was now alarming. Something was wrong.

"There's a problem with the engine," the pilot yelled back to us. "Brace yourselves!"

My eyes flew open and my heart began to pound as the plane jerked back and forth. Panic and fear overwhelmed me. Suddenly, it was eerily quiet. The engine shut down and the cabin went pitch black. My stomach churned in knots as the plane began to rapidly descend.

I was going to die, I realized. _._ I wished I could tell my parents I loved them one last time. Bits and pieces of my life flashed before my eyes. _Vacation in California. Middle school dance. Hours reading in my bedroom._

Tears streamed down my face. My life wasn't supposed to end this way. I was sure of it. How could this be it for me?

I squeezed my eyes shut and heard the screams and fearful cries of my fellow passengers, as the plane glided into the forest and began to flip over. By some miracle, my seat belt held me into place and I covered my head with my arms. The force of impact caused me to black out for a few moments, but I awoke to the smell of gas filling the cabin.

Survival instincts kicking in, I clamored to unbuckle my seat belt. I felt a warm liquid begin to drip down my face and as I put my hand on my cheek, I realized there was a deep gash. Instead of feeling frightened, I felt more clear headed and rational than I had ever felt before.

The plane had ripped into two pieces. I glanced toward the crushed cockpit and knew immediately the pilot had not survived. Nevertheless, I called out to him. There was no answer and since I couldn't reach him physically, I stumbled into the open air. It was dark and raining.

"Hello? Is everyone okay?" I yelled out, amidst the downpour and fumes. There was no response. I began to cough. It was difficult to breathe and I felt dizzy. There was a blazing fire and large pieces of metal towering over me, and it was difficult to see because of the smoke from the fire.

In the distance I heard the voice of a woman. "We're over here...walk towards the trees," she cried.

It hurt to move, but I quickly ran away from the wreckage. The woman guided me by the sound of her voice; it grew louder the farther I got away from the plane. Suddenly, there was an explosion and I tumbled to the ground. As I fell, I looked back to see fireballs rocket into the night sky. I gasped in shock.

Trying to catch my breath, I called out to the woman. "Are there any other survivors?" I asked, my voice trembling with emotion.

"Only you," she responded sadly.

I looked around, and did not see the woman, only the dark forest.

"Only _me_?" I asked, confused. "What about _you_?"

It was then the woman appeared. She was not alone. A man was with her.

They were _not_ passengers from the plane. There were only nine of us. I would have remembered these faces.

The woman and man stood still as statues, several feet away. What were they doing in the forest? They were wearing normal clothes, no, _expensive_ looking clothes, and there wasn't a spec of dirt or damage. They weren't hikers or EMTs. The woman was small, the man was tall. And they were _beautiful_...almost heavenly looking...angelic.

"Did I die?" I blurted out. Maybe I was in some strange version of hell.

The man looked at the woman and they were both obviously concerned. It seemed as though they were talking to each other, but I couldn't hear what they were saying and their lips were moving too fast.

I didn't feel so clear headed anymore. I was trembling. My heart was pounding.

"We're going to help you," the woman stated. "My name is Alice. This is Jasper."


	2. Chapter 2

To my amazement, the small woman picked me up in her arms and began to run. Everything became a blur, as if she was running at the speed of light. I felt strangely calm, but closed my eyes because the movement and wind made me nauseous. When we stopped, I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself in the living room of a house, instead of a hospital.

Alice placed me on a sofa, then immediately left the room. I glanced around, wondering what was happening. I still felt calm.

The house was silent and I concentrated on breathing. My entire body was sore. I was sure I had probably broken a few bones and the gash on my cheek was still bleeding. I needed to go to the hospital. Maybe these strangers were deciding on who was going to take me?

A man entered the living room. He was tall, blonde and wore a compassionate smile.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he introduced himself, pulling up a stool to sit next to the sofa.

I breathed a sigh of relief. A _doctor_. Good.

"I'm Bella Swan...I was on a plane from Seattle to Port Angeles, but the engine failed and we crashed. Alice told me everyone was dead, but I don't know...we should call 911, maybe there are other survivors..."

The more I spoke, the more the peace went away and I began to panic. Was I going into shock?

"I need to call my parents...it hurts to breathe..."

"Would you allow me to examine you?" Dr. Cullen asked.

I nodded and tried to sit up, but a sharp pain pierced my side. He gently placed a hand on my back and then a hand near my rib cage. He asked me to breathe deeply and I obeyed, but it was painful.

He frowned. "We need to get you to a hospital."

I almost rolled my eyes. Why didn't they take me there in the first place? Isn't that normal procedure for plane crash survivors?

Suddenly, we weren't alone. There was another man...a teenager...in the room. My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. He was _beautiful_...much more than the others.

"Edward," Dr. Cullen spoke harshly, not bothering to look at him directly. "Please leave."

This _Edward_ was staring at me. His eyes were dark and a strange expression was on his face.

"She's _mine_ ," he whispered.

 _"I'm yours,"_ my heart immediately responded.

Maybe I was delirious….it couldn't be love and first sight. But, I _felt_ something as I looked at him...a connection I'd never known before...and it frightened me.

Dr. Cullen stood up. "Don't do this..." he warned.

I heard a loud growl, then someone was throwing me over their shoulder. I screamed out in pain. I was knocked to the ground, then picked up again. Edward was holding me, looking deeply into my eyes. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me.

I was wrong.

I screamed when I felt Edward's razor sharp teeth pierce my neck. I struggled to push him away, but he was too strong. Life began to leave my body.

Darkness overwhelmed me.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I am shocked, thanks for reading!

* * *

"Really, Alice? You brought a _human_ home?" Rosalie snarled.

The family was having an emergency meeting outside, while the human, Bella, awaited her fate inside.

Jasper glared at Rosalie. "Don't be a hypocrite, Rose. You did the same thing with Emmett."

"That was different," she protested. "He was my _mate_!"

"Bella is my _sister_ ," Alice explained. "I had a vision of her becoming one of us..."

"Tell us what happened," Carlisle insisted, glancing back towards the house. "Quickly."

Alice nodded. "Jasper and I were hunting with Esme and Edward...and we were _distracted_."

Emmett chuckled at her attempt to politely describe love making. "I know what _that_ means," he smiled. "Rosalie and I love to get _distracted_ in the forest."

Alice rolled her eyes "We _know_...anyway, a plane flew over head...dangerously so, and crashed only a mile from us. I insisted we go to see if we could help in some way, and then I had the vision. Bella was one of us...and she was very happy. We all were. As Jasper and I got closer to the wreckage, there was only one beating heart...only Bella had survived. I called out to her and made sure she was safe before the plane completely exploded. It's a miracle she's alive...it's a _sign_."

"Well, she's obviously _not_ one of us...she's bleeding...and now you've exposed us..." Rosalie started to rant and rave.

"It was very dangerous to bring her here," Carlisle agreed. "All of you, go and hunt...I'll take care of Bella's injuries and clean up. Return in an hour and then we'll decide what to do."

Everyone nodded, but Alice was reluctant. "We're _keeping_ her," she warned Carlisle, but he was doubtful.

"We'll talk about it," he promised.

With complete control of his thirst, Carlisle quickly retrieved his medical bag from his office and went into the living room to introduce himself to Bella.

She was obviously in shock and as he examined her, he realized her injuries were severe. Bella had several broken ribs and a collapsed lung. He didn't have the equipment and supplies at home that he needed to care of her. Hospitalization was required immediately.

Carlisle caught his son's scent in the air, along with the unmistakable fragrance of his wife.

 _"Edward, you and Esme should join the others. There is an injured human in the house. It is not safe for you."_

He heard Edward communicate his thoughts to Esme and her scent faded. However, Edward entered the living room.

"Edward, please leave," Carlisle insisted, this time out loud. _Don't do anything foolish,_ he added silently. _We've been exposed enough as it is._

Carlisle glanced at his son and immediately recognized the look of thirst in his eyes. Edward was very close to losing control. When he whispered, "She's _mine_ ," Carlisle knew the monster had taken over completely.

Edward lunged for Bella and Carlisle tried to intervene, but he was not quick enough. Edward plunged his teeth into Bella's neck and began to drink. Carlisle refused to witness his son kill a human and found the strength to wrestle him away from her. Within moments, the rest of the family had returned, their faces full of shock, remorse and confusion as Edward was overpowered.

Only Alice was smiling. "She's _changing_!" she exclaimed.


	4. Chapter 4

I was burning. And even though I didn't know what had happened to me, I knew that _this_ time, I was truly dead.

I was in hell. The flames licked my body and I found no relief. It only got worse. Pain multiplied by more pain. I heard voices, but couldn't decipher the meaning behind the words.

Then, it was over. I felt my heart stop beating and my eyes flew open.

Jumping up, I stood in a crouched position as I surveyed my surroundings. I felt so tense...and I wasn't alone. Instinctively I knew Edward wasn't here with me and he was the only one that mattered. It made me angry.

I heard a growling noise and it scared me when I realized it was coming from my own chest.

"We're not going to hurt you," a calm voice spoke, and I began to relax. My eyesight focused and I recognized the strangers I met after the plane crash - Alice, Jasper and Dr. Cullen. However, there were three others I didn't recognize.

"Do you remember Alice and Jasper?" Dr. Cullen asked. I nodded. "I'm Carlisle and this is my wife Esme. To my left, is Rosalie and Emmett."

"What happened to me?" I demanded. My voice sounded different.

"You've become one of us...a _vampire_."

"Vampire?"

"Vampire."

How ridiculous. Vampires didn't exist, but I _did_ feel like my molecular structure had changed. Every fiber of my being felt as though strength was coursing through it. And my throat was dry and uncomfortable.

"Was there a chemical spill or something during the plane accident?"

Carlisle shook his head. "My son Edward changed you."

"What?" I was confused.

I didn't understand what that meant. My memories were fuzzy, but as I concentrated, I remembered seeing Edward, then him attacking me. He tried to kill me. But, it seemed as though I survived somehow...and I was _different_. As I took a deep breath, I felt as though my throat was on fire. I gasped. The pain was unbearable.

Carlisle glanced at Jasper, who nodded.

"You must be thirsty," Jasper spoke directly to me, and I felt compelled to listen. "Come hunt with us and we'll explain everything."

I nodded. "Okay."

The entire group ushered me out of the house, but were careful to not get too close, and we began to run. They formed a protective circle around me and I wondered who they were trying to protect me from...was it Edward?

I wasn't sure what I agreed to do when Jasper told me to join them for a _hunt,_ but I obediently watched as Carlisle attacked a deer and drank it's blood. I'd never seen anything like it.

"Our family drinks the blood of _animals_. We don't feed on humans."

I really had no knowledge of vampires, but I knew that the legend was they drank the blood of humans. I didn't want to be a murderer, but I was very _thirsty_ , as Jasper described it. Although the scent of animals was not appealing, I gave it a try. Without even having to think about it, I naturally was able to capture a deer and sink my teeth into his throat. It didn't taste good, but it did quench my thirst slightly.

" _More_ ," I demanded.


	5. Chapter 5

I was a _vampire_. I could admit that to myself now, although it took almost a week of hunting and long hours of conversation with the Cullen family to fully convince me.

I didn't feel human, although I _looked_ human...sort of. Somehow I had been transformed into a slightly hotter version of my former self. I expected a scar on my cheek from my injuries during the plane crash, but my skin was pale and perfect. My hair was a shimmering mahogany, no longer lifeless mousy brown, my cheekbones higher and more defined. Even my breasts seemed larger and more perky. It was strange. It was like I was this completely new person, and yet, I had this odd sense of being exactly what I was always supposed to be. It felt _right_.

There were so many questions I had about being a vampire, but I didn't ask about Edward or why he had changed me. The family hadn't left my side for a moment since I had woken up, but Edward was no where to be seen and they didn't mention him. Overall, I'd lost track of time - most of my thoughts were consumed with the thirst that constantly burned my throat. Occasionally Edward would cross my mind, but whenever I remembered him I felt confused and sad and angry.

Carlisle and Jasper seemed to be in charge of my transition into being a vampire, although everyone helped. It felt as though I was at a training camp. Teaching me to hunt was the first task, then they explained my enhanced skills and how to use my strength. Alice was always smiling, complimenting me on doing so well and having so much control. The others seemed to agree.

"When can I go home?" I asked one day, about a month after I arrived. I wasn't being constantly monitored anymore. Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie left during the day time, leaving me alone with Carlisle and Esme. It seemed as though my training was almost over. I knew becoming a vampire had changed my life forever, but I had no idea how drastically.

The three of us were in the family library, Carlisle at his desk, Esme sketching, and I was sitting in a chair reading.

Carlisle put down the pen he was holding. "Bella, dear, aren't you happy with us?"

I nodded and Esme smiled. "Yes, you've been very kind to me. But, I miss my parents...and I should probably go back to school. I'm almost a Senior."

I didn't even know where the Cullens lived, although I guessed it was close to Port Angeles, since that was near where the plane crashed. "My father Charlie Swan lives in Forks. Will you take me to him?"

Esme looked nervous. "We need to talk to you...perhaps we should wait until the others return from school?"

School? I didn't realize the others were going to school every day. Why couldn't I go too?

Carlisle stood up and walked to a filing cabinet. He opened it and pulled out a file.

"I want to show you something, Bella, but it will upset you."

I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nervous. "Okay."

He handed me the file, then sat beside Esme on the leather sofa. I carefully opened the file and saw a laminated newspaper clipping. My photo was next to a headline that read, "PLANE CRASH, NO SURVIVORS." I scanned the article. " _Forks Police Chef Charlie Swan's seventeen year old daughter was one of the nine passengers killed in a plane crash that occurred late Friday night..."_

I looked up at Carlisle and Esme. "Everyone thinks I'm dead."

"Yes," Carlisle nodded.

"But, I'm _not_...I can go home and tell Charlie I'm still alive."

"Bella, I'm sorry, but you can never see your father or your mother again," Esme almost whispered the words, and was clearly upset.

"Why not?" I felt like crying, but I also felt angry.

"It's not safe for you or those who knew you as a human. Vampires live by one rule - secrecy. No one can ever know you are a vampire. If your parents see you, they will know something supernatural happened to you. Too many questions will be asked. They may even want tests done at the hospital, which would reveal you aren't human. Our kind are governed by a group called the Volturi. They enforce the rule of secrecy. If you expose yourself to others, you will be killed and the humans who know your secret will be killed, too."

I stood up and began to pace the room. "I didn't choose to be a vampire!" I screamed. "It's not fair!"

"None of us did," Esme countered. "But, it's given us a second chance at life."

"I was alive! I survived a plane crash!" I argued.

Carlisle shook his head. "Our son Edward attacked you...he was going to drain you and you were going to die. We were able to intervene, but it was too late to save your humanity. His venom infected you and the transformation had begun. Bella, I am very sorry for what happened. But, none of us regret that you were changed. We have all grown to love you very much."

I felt overwhelmed. I survived, but then...I didn't.

I began to sob and both Carlilse and Esme came to comfort me with a hug.

The last few weeks I'd been with the Cullens had been all about me, my needs, making sure I was comfortable, explaining the intricacies of being a vampire. The family had actually helped me adjust quite well...so much so that I thought I could go just home. What a foolish thought, I realized that now.

Nothing would ever be the same.

I was angry. I always cried when I angry, but now there were no tears.

"Why did Edward do this to me?" I asked, in a rage. "No one else tried to attack me...I must have been a temptation to everyone...I was bleeding."

"Some humans are more tempting than others...Edward usually has an amazing amount of control...it was unlike him to be so reckless."

I scowled. This Edward was lucky he wasn't with us...I would have torn him to shreds in that moment. I decided that I hated him. He had stolen my humanity.

"Where did he go?" I asked. I had been wondering since I awoke as a vampire, but was too hesitant to ask for some reason.

"Edward hates himself for what he did to you...and has banished himself from the family."

I rolled my eyes. He sounded dramatic...and vaguely familiar. My human memories were fuzzy, but I could still remember how I had tried to banish myself to Forks...I just never made it.

I felt irritable. "What happens to me now?"

Carlisle glanced at Esme. "We would like to officially invite you to join our family. We want you to stay with us, Bella."

"So I could leave if I wanted to?" I asked, considering the alternative.

He nodded. "Yes...but we would ask you to wait until your newborn year is over. You've made tremendous progress over the last month, but in a year you'll be in control of your thirst."

Although I hadn't encountered a human since I had been changed, I didn't want to _kill_ a human. Having a safe place to stay until I could gain full control of my thirst wasn't a bad idea. But, then what would I do with myself if I couldn't return to my old life? Joining the Cullen family was appealing...they were very nice and being with them felt natural. Anger, thankfulness, confusion overwhelmed me...I was an emotional wreck.

"I don't know what I want to do," I admitted with a sigh.

"You don't have to decide now," Esme encouraged. "We've all experienced the newborn year...it's a very difficult adjustment."

"I'm sure you're feeling restless...please feel free to explore our property on your own. Esme and I will show you the boundaries...we only ask that you remain close by."

"I won't leave before my newborn year is over," I assured him.

Carlisle shook his head. "It's not that. I trust you. When Edward attacked you, he broke a treaty we have with the Quileutes."

"The Native Americans?" Charlie was friends with several members of the tribe...I remembered them from my childhood...vaguely.

"Yes. Many years ago we made a treaty with them. They allowed us to live in this area without exposure...but we are not allowed to feed or change a human. If they find out that you are now one of us, there will be trouble."

Esme explained further. "We like to live in one place for as long as possible, but that is usually only for four or five years. People notice we're not aging."

I nodded. They told me about this...I would be seventeen forever.

"This is our third year in Forks...in a couple years we will have to move..."

"We're in _Forks_?" I shrieked in surprise.

Both Carlisle and Esme nodded. "Alice didn't tell you?"

The universe had an interesting way of working things out. I had made it to Forks...but I wasn't living with Charlie. I was a vampire.

"No...she didn't."

Grief overwhelmed me at the thought of the life I would never have.

"Let's go for a walk," Esme offered. "I want to tell you _my_ story."

I welcomed the distraction. "I'd like that."

Carlisle remained in the house, while Esme and I walked arm and arm to the river. She began to tell me of her life as a human, how she first met Carlisle when she was a teenager, her abusive marriage, the loss of her son, her attempted suicide. I felt upset on Esme's behalf, wanting to find her ex-husband and murder him myself, but she told me Edward already did that. Maybe Edward wasn't so bad, after all, I thought for a brief moment, then changed my mind. He seemed like a loose canon. How many people had he killed anyway?

"Tell me more," I insisted, as she pointed out the boundary lines of the property.

Esme explained that Carlisle saved her life. It was difficult for her to adjust to being a vampire, but once the bloodlust subsided, she realized Carlisle was her mate. I made a mental to note to ask later what that meant...although I could guess. I'd seen the way Esme and Carlisle were together...the two of them were one. They complimented each other so well...and were deeply in love.

She began to tell me how helpful Edward was to her during her newborn year and how much she loved him, but I quickly shut that conversation down.

"I'm sorry if this is rude, Esme, but I don't want to talk about Edward...I don't want to hear his name and I don't want to hear about how _nice_ he is..."

Esme was taken aback, but nodded in agreement. "If that's what you want, dear."

I didn't want to offend Esme, and I _did_ want to hear her story, so I tried to smile.

"You always wanted _children_?" I asked, urging her to continue.

Esme's face lit up and she told me how she'd always wanted children and enjoyed having a family, even if it was unconventional. I'd noticed the interactions between the Cullens...Carlisle and Esme served as parental figures, although there was a deep respect amongst everyone.

We were gone until night fall, and as we made our way back to the house, Esme clasped her hands with mine.

"I didn't choose this life Bella, but now I can see there was a greater purpose. I met Carlisle and now I have the family I always wanted. I wouldn't trade this life for anything."

I nodded. I understood what she was telling me. Life gives you lemons...you make lemonade. It turned out well for Esme...and the others all seemed very happy.

As for me, I didn't know if I would ever find peace. As we entered the house, the family greeted me with smiles and conversation, but I was withdrawn. I quickly made my way to the attic, hoping no one would follow me. I wanted to be alone.

Talking and being with Esme had been a nice distraction, but being told I could never go home was devastating. I remembered being so silly, feeling like a martyr for having to move to Forks. Now, I would give anything in the world to be at Charlie's house...living a normal life.

But, I was a vampire and I lived in a house full of others vampires.

I wanted to be anywhere but here.


	6. Chapter 6

After being told I couldn't return to my family, I shut down for several weeks. I only left the attic to hunt, which was often, but as soon as I returned to the house, I craved solitude.

I knew the Cullens were worried about me. I could hear their whispered conversations, although they tried to be discreet. When I first arrived, I had been friendly and inquisitive. But, now, I rarely talked. I suppose you could say I was grieving. I felt a lot of resentment at being thrown into a life I didn't choose for myself. If going to live with Charlie in Forks felt like a prison sentence, the way I now felt paled in comparison. Now I was dealing with eternity. Even if I _liked_ being a vampire, which was a strange realization I made early on after being changed, I didn't like having my choices taken away from me.

Sometimes my emotions overwhelmed me and when I was hunting, the inner turmoil and aggression I felt made me dangerous. I usually picked a fight with Jasper because I knew he could take it. I would find an excuse for an argument, or sometimes have no reason at all, and attack him. Afterwards, I was always embarrassed...but, I also felt a little bit better.

I tried not to be rude to the Cullens, after all, they were allowing me to live with them, but eventually I stopped talking. Like clock work, they would meet me outside every few days to go hunting, but there would be no conversation. Then, I would return to the attic, overwhelmed with my grief and self pity.

The thing that finally broke the ice between me and the family was surprising. It was Rosalie. She came to talk to me one day when she'd returned home from school. Instead of knocking, she opened the attic door and walked right inside.

I was sitting in a chair in the corner, reading a book, and ignored her, even though it annoyed me she didn't knock. No one else had attempted to approach me in my attic sanctuary.

Rosalie wrinkled her perfect nose. "It's dusty up here," she complained.

I shrugged.

"What are you reading?"

"Bram Stroker's Dracula."

Rosalie laughed and sat down on a table across from me.

"Did Carlisle give you that as assigned reading for Vampire 101?"

I looked up from my book, confused. Rosalie was being friendly and making a joke? She'd barely spoken to me at all since I'd arrived. What did she want?

"No...I guess I wanted to compare notes," I replied honestly. "The reality of being a vampire is different from fiction...I was curious to see what they actually got right."

Rosalie nodded in understanding. "I'd never even heard of vampires when I was changed. In my time, ladies didn't read Bram Stroker...we were too busy preparing to be wives and mothers."

As she said the word mother, I detected a hint of sadness in her voice.

"When were you changed?" I asked.

"1933...My human world was a much simpler place than it is now. I was 18, and I was beautiful. My life was perfect."

Again, her tone betrayed a wistfulness that I didn't expect. The Cullens seemed so happy and content with their lives as vampires. Could it be possible Rosalie missed being a human?

Rosalie continued speaking. "Like you, I wasn't changed under the best circumstances. None of us were, really. I forgive Carlisle for changing me, and I understand why he did it, but I would have preferred to die that day instead of becoming what I am now."

I couldn't suppress my gasp. "Really?" If Rosalie was fishing for me to open up, she had me hook, line and sinker.

She laughed bitterly. "When I looked in the mirror for the first time and saw my red eyes, I knew I had become a monster. All my dreams of becoming a wife and mother had been destroyed...but...well, it had been already. You see, when Carlisle found me, I was dying...the scent of my blood led him to where I was lying in the street, left for dead."

"What happened?"

The only transformation story I had heard was Esme's and I knew she had tried to commit suicide. If Rosalie had the perfect life, I doubted she would have done the same thing.

Anger washed over Rosalie's face. "I was engaged to a rich man named Royce King. He didn't love me...I was only a trophy to him because of my beauty. A week before the wedding I was walking home from a friend's house and I stumbled across my fiance and his friends. They were drunk. Royce began to brag about my beauty to his friends and before I could knew what was happening, I was gang raped and beaten...and left in the street to die."

My eyes widened in shock and In the distance, I heard a loud crash. It alarmed me.

"It's just Emmett," she explained. "He gets rather upset when I tell my story."

Vampire hearing. No privacy in this house, I had grown to understand. I wondered what piece of furniture he had destroyed. It made me like Emmett a bit more than I already did, knowing that he had such a strong reaction to someone hurting the woman he loved.

"I'm so sorry, Rosalie," I frowned, shaking my head. "That is truly horrible."

Being attacked by Edward was frightening and painful, but what Rosalie had endured was a million times worse.

"I got my revenge," she smiled devilishly. "Soon after I woke up, one by one I killed Royce's friends. I saved him for last. I wore my wedding dress when I tracked him down. He was silly enough to think that being in a locked, windowless room with guards would protect him from me. I made sure he experienced the amount of pain he put me through...and more. Except, for him, no blood was shed. I didn't drink from him or the others. I just broke every bone in Royce's body...one at a time."

I was impressed and made a mental note to not get on Rosalie's bad side. She was fierce.

"Revenge felt good...but not for long. I hated my life as a vampire. I resented not being able to ever be a mother. Carlisle and Esme were wonderful to me, but I was miserable. Then...I met Emmett."

Her face filled with joy and her body relaxed. "He's the only reason I exist. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I would trade anything and everything I have to be human again. But, at least with Emmett, I got half of my happy ever after."

I took a deep breath. Rosalie and I had more in common than I realized, although if I was honest with myself, I didn't miss my humanity to the severity that she did.

"Bella, I know it's difficult to adjust to becoming a vampire...but, you defeated death twice...instead of isolating yourself, you should enjoy the life that you have been given."

"Twice? I survived the plane crash..."

"And you survived Edward's attack."

I cringed at the mention of his name.

"He had almost completely drained you...most humans don't recover from that. Your heart has to be really strong to endure that kind of attack...and you did. You're a survivor, Bella."

I was a _survivor_.

It was a powerful statement and I was overcome with emotion. I began to sob and Rosalie comforted me, just as Carlisle and Esme did, with a hug.

"The family would like to get to know you...will you let us?"

Her words only made me cry more and I nodded.

I would give the Cullens a chance...and I would give this life as a vampire a chance, too.


	7. Chapter 7

Gradually, I began to spend time with the Cullens.

Carlisle began to tutor me and I studied a high school correspondence course daily. It was encouraging to know I would be able to graduate. Carlisle even gave me a variety of brochures from Ivy League schools and encouraged me to apply to college.

Alice and Jasper and I spent a lot of time together talking about their stories of transformation and their life before they joined the Cullens. I always felt calm when Jasper was around, but I knew it was because of his gift. He finally admitted to me that he was an empath...and Alice revealed that she had visions of the future.

As the months passed, the family began to mention Edward in conversation and I was told he was the third gifted member of the family - he could read minds.I was glad he wasn't with us. He wouldn't have liked to hear my thoughts about him. Apparently, he was no where to be found, and the only reason a search party had not been called for him was because Alice had a vision that he was alive. Looking for him would be pointless...he would return when he was ready they agreed.

I was very direct with everyone that I did not want to talk about Edward at all or hear any conversations about him. I knew it was a diva-like demand, but I was serious. On the rare occasion he was mentioned, I immediately left the room, no matter what we were doing, even if it was mid-sentence in a conversation. Thankfully, the family didn't argue with me and honored my request.

For a month during the summer, we had visitors. Carman, Eleazar, Tanya, Irnia and Kate were a vampire coven from Denali. They also followed the same diet as the Cullens, no humans, animals only, and were considered to be extended family.

I was warmly greeted by the Denali clan. "We're so happy to meet you," Eleazar said as he shook my hand. The others smiled and looked at me curiously.

"I wonder if she has a gift?" Kate asked.

I felt shy. As a human I didn't like meeting new people.

Carlisle glanced at me. "Bella, Eleazar has a talent for spotting and developing gifts," he explained. "Would you be interested in exploring the possibility?"

I shrugged. "Um, sure." I doubted that I had a gift, but it was an interesting idea.

"Has Edward returned yet?" Tanya asked. "I was so looking forward to seeing him again."

The family looked at me and then glared at Tanya. I didn't bolt out of the room, but I was very close to doing so.

Noticing the tension, Tanya asked, "Did I say something wrong? You all know that I favor him."

A weird feeling hit the pit of my stomach. Sort of like I had been punched...it was hard to figure out. I wondered if Tanya and Edward had some sort of understanding with each other.

"My sister is in love with Edward," Irnia joked, winking at me.

Tanya gave a seductive smile. "I don't know if it's _love_..." she laughed.

It was then, I fled. I tried to do so politely, since there were visitors. "Excuse me," I mumbled, and headed towards the staircase to make my way to the attic.

I heard Esme's explanation. "Bella doesn't like to talk about Edward...as you know he attacked her and she's still adjusting."

"If only he would return, and apologize, I think they would get along quite well," Carlisle added.

I rolled my eyes, as I plopped down on my chair in the attic. Poor Carlisle was too optomistic. An _apology_ from Edward was not going to make things right between us. I secretly hoped I would never have to see him again as long as I existed.

An hour later, Emmett cajoled me out of the attic so he could show off in front of the visitors. As a newborn, I was very strong. Emmett was also very, very strong and liked to compete with me doing various challenges. Sometimes I beat him, but sometimes he beat me. Emmett loved competition almost much as he loved Rosalie. I was told while I would always be strong, my newborn strength gave me an advantage. So, I was eager to use it while I still had it.

The Denalis didn't mention Edward again and I enjoyed getting to know them better. Eleazar, Carman and I spent time together, exploring the possibility of me being gifted. He told me he detected something...although he wasn't sure what. He said I was difficult to read and that in itself might be a gift.

I found Irnia, Kate and Tanya extremely fascinating. They had lived for more than a thousand years and had the most interesting history together. Also, they took human men as lovers. I was shocked by this, but they were proud of it. When it was time for the Denali clan to leave, the women urged me to come visit them in Alaska.

"Please Bella," Tanya encouraged, kissing my cheek, "visit us any time...stay as long as you like."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice glare at Tanya. Even Carlisle and Esme exchanged worried looks. Were they jealous? Afraid I'd take up the offer?

As I approached the final days of my newborn year, each member of the family began to drop subtle and not so subtle hints about wanting me to stay with them. One of Esme's many talents was being an architect, and as she designed the next house for the family, she made a point of asking my feedback for where I'd like my new bedroom - did I prefer the east or wide side of the house? Did I want a garden tub for my bathroom or only a shower? Emmett was planning a hunting trip during the summer and assigned me the responsibility of choosing the location. Rosalie wanted to go car shopping with me and was eager to customize whatever I chose. Jasper and Alice were the most direct, confronting me on the anniversary of me being changed.

"Are you staying or leaving?" Alice demanded. "You haven't decided yet, have you?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't really thought about it."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a mind reader, but I know you _have_ been thinking about it..."

Alice hugged me. "Bella, you're my sister. We love you! Please don't leave..."

After spending a year with the Cullens, they _did_ feel like family. I had grown to love them, too. I didn't want to be anywhere but here, with them. However, there was one thing holding me back...one _person_...

"What are you reluctant about?" Jasper asked. "Please, talk to us."

I groaned. "Edward, okay? He's like one of the founding members of your family...but I _hate_ him."

"You don't even know him," Alice pointed out.

"He tried to kill me!"

"Edward feels bad about that," Jasper replied.

I rolled my eyes. "From the stories I've heard about Edward, I've decided he's a melancholy, drama queen who is reckless and selfish. I don't think I could ever live with him. But, he was a member of this family before I joined you. He's probably stayed away because I'm here...and it's not fair for me to keep your brother from you."

"You don't hate him," Jasper disagreed with me.

"Don't tell me how I feel," I scowled at Jasper. He sent me a wave of remorse and I understood he meant it as an apology.

I sighed. "I'm sorry for snapping."

"This is how Edward felt when his bloodlust faded and realized what he had done to you."

My eyes widened. It was true remorse and regret...with a hint of self-condemnation. It unnerved me...I didn't expect it. It made me want to comfort the man who felt this way...

I frowned, not wanting Alice or Jasper to know my true reaction.

"I told you, he's a _drama queen_."

Storming outside, I didn't want to talk about Edward anymore. I felt like running, so I did. As a human, I was a complete klutz. It was nice to be graceful and athletic.

No one followed me, which was surprising, but I was glad to be alone.

Obediently, I remained on the property, as I promised Carlisle I would, running along the perimeter, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair. What _was_ I going to do?

I couldn't avoid this Edward forever. As much as I disliked the man I'd only met once, he belonged to the family. Maybe I could tolerate him...maybe...maybe not.

Suddenly, in the air, I detected a scent...not human and not animal...similiar to Carlisle, but different. The family told me of nomads, but I'd never met one. I tensed, but surprisingly didn't feel the urge to attack. In fact, I felt compelled...to find the one who had this scent.

The scent found me first.

It was _Edward_.

"Who are you?" he demanded. His eyes were dark black and he looked confused.

My eyes narrowed and I suppressed a growl.

"I'm Bella...the girl you tried to kill, _remember_?"

His mouth dropped open. "You're alive." It was a statement, but he was astonished.

I frowned, immediately irritated. Since I knew he was a mind reader, I blasted him with my thoughts.

" _Technically, no. My heart no longer beats, thanks to you, idiot. I'm not alive...I'm undead. Didn't the family tell you about me? Or did you not care enough to listen?"_

Edward stared at me, with no response.

" _Hello? Can you hear me?"_

Again, no response, only a wide eyed stare.

I rolled my eyes. Why did he have to look at me that way? It made me feel...weird. His eyes were black, obviously he was very thirsty...dangerously so. His clothes were torn and muddy. I wasn't afraid at all, but Edward looked very dangerous.

His stare was intimidating me. I felt my body relaxing under his gaze.

"You look _hideous_ ," I snapped, not wanting to be dazzled by Edward as I had been the night he attacked me. If a human was nearby, I had no doubt he would have drained them instantly. No one in the Cullen family ever allowed themselves to get _that_ thirsty. Edward was so irresponsible.

He continued to stare at me, almost incapacitated.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, with false confidence. I knew he had every right to be here...even more than me. Was this staring contest some sort of vampire challenge?

When he didn't immediately respond, I glared at him. I didn't want to fight, but I would.

Edward looked nervous.

"I came to visit your grave."


	8. Chapter 8

**EPOV**

"What have you _done_?" Carlisle gasped. The disappointment I saw in his eyes shook me out my bloodlust.

I lunged forward, wanting to return to the woman, but Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice held me back. Esme was sobbing. They thought I was going to attack her again, but my entire being was screaming to rescue her, to comfort her.

In Carlisle's thoughts, my entire world collapsed. _"Bella is dead...her heart could not handle the trauma of the plane crash and the attack."_

With a surge of strength, I broke free from my brothers and sisters and began to run. However, it wasn't in the direction of Bella...I was running to end my existence. I could answer Carlisle's question now. What had I done?

I killed my mate.

I knew she was my mate as soon as I saw her...my _Bella._ Her scent drew me to her when I returned from hunting that evening. Carlisle warned me to stay away, but I couldn't. When I saw her, she was instantly mine, heart, body and soul.

But, then, a drop of blood rolled down her cheek...from a wound. It sang to me...the sweetest, most enticing scent I'd ever encountered in more than one hundred years of existence. I couldn't resist. The monster I'd spent years suppressing suddenly broke free.

I killed my mate.

An agony consumed me that paled in comparison to the burning that I endured when becoming a vampire. Sobs racked my body as I ran...I felt a physical pain I'd never encountered before. I would never recover...never be the same. True love was waiting for me and I destroyed it.

I deserved to die.

Dropping to my knees, I pleaded with the universe to take my life. But, I knew, as a vampire, death would not come easily. I considered going to Denali...or the Volturi...but I realized death was too easy of a consequence.

I crawled through the forest and as dawn approached, I reached the ocean. Flinging myself off the cliff, I swam into a cave. I climbed out of the water and sat on a stone ledge. With my knees up, I hung my head in sorrow.

I needed to live with this agony.

I would sit in this cave, I decided. It was my own personal hell. If I could live without Bella, it would be here.

I didn't hunt. I didn't contact my family. I didn't move an inch.

But, I was weak. For a century, I had lived without Bella...that was before I had known she existed. As the hours, days, weeks, months passed by I knew I couldn't live without her.

Perhaps in death we would be reunited, I wondered. And on the anniversary of our meeting, I convinced myself it was true. Death would bring us together. I was going to follow her into the dark. I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

I made my way back to our estate. I would say goodbye to the family and then ask Jasper to kill me. I knew Carlisle would have buried Bella properly...with respect and dignity.

I wanted my ashes to be scattered on Bella's grave.


	9. Chapter 9

BPOV

I made a quick calculation. It was exactly one year to the day that I had been changed. Edward had returned to the family on the anniversary of what he thought was my death. Either that revealed an impressive level of compassion or...he was melodramatic like I suspected.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no grave."

 _Although I can dig a grave for you if you'd like one for yourself._

No response. He continued to stare. _Mind reader? Yeah, right..._

I took off running towards the house and to my surprise, Edward followed.

"Wait..." he called out, grabbing my arm. I shrugged him off.

"Don't you know better than to mess with a newborn?" I challenged, continuing to run. I was able to overpower Emmett with my strength...I knew I was powerful enough to defend myself against Edward..

He jumped in front of me and I was forced to stop.

"Bella," he whispered, almost reverently. I didn't like the way he said my name. It sent shivers down my spine.

I raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

A smile slowly spread across Edward's face. For a moment, it distracted me. He was beautiful...and intriguing. Different from the others.

He took a step towards me.

"I'm so... _thankful._...that you survived. Words cannot describe..."

Edward looked deeply into my eyes, in a way no one had ever looked at me before. The animosity began to fade and I felt as though I was falling...

I closed my eyes and quickly gathered my thoughts. I understood what he was saying. He hadn't killed me after all and was now able to return to his family guilt free. I took a step back.

"The family will be happy to see you..." I mumbled, making a mad dash for the house.

Alice and Jasper met me as I reached the lawn.

"What's wrong?" they asked.

"The prodigal son has returned," I replied sarcastically.

Alice began to panic, realizing what this meant for me.

"Don't leave, please, Bella..."

"You knew he was coming," I stated.

She nodded. "Yes, but I didn't know exactly when he would arrive."

"You should have warned me."

I began to feel calm and I knew it was because of Jasper. I didn't know whether to protest or give him a hug. I tensed again when I caught Edward's scent. He was walking towards us. Being near him felt almost magnetic...I was drawn to him...and I didn't like it one bit.

"Welcome home, brother," Jasper greeted with friendliness. I gave him a side glance, feeling a bit betrayed. Why was he being so nice to Edward?

Noticing my emotions, Jasper gave me the hug I needed. Alice smiled, but Edward growled. Jasper let go of me.

 _What a werido,_ I thought to myself as I stormed inside the house. I'd never been in such a strange mood before...it was only proof that I had to get as far away from Edward as I could.

I made a beeline for Carlisle's office. I was going to tell him I was leaving the family. I could not co-exist with the man who had attacked and then abandoned me. Edward had arrived...and I was leaving.

"Bella!" he greeted with a smile. "I have something for you..."

He stood up and crossed the room, handing me a wrapped present.

"What is it?" I asked, surprised.

"Esme and I were shopping the other day and when we saw it, thought it would be perfect for you."

Controlling my strength, I carefully unwrapped the paper and it was a velvet box. I opened it and inside was a lovely gold necklace with a pendant.

"Look inside," he encouraged.

I opened the locket and inside were two pictures. One was of my parents, Charlie and Renee, and the other was a family photo of the Cullens.

"Forgive me for being so sentimental, but we wanted you to keep the things that you love close to your heart - your past and your future. I hope we weren't too bold in assuming that our family was included..."

Overcome with emotion, I interrupted Carlisle with a hug.

"Thank you," I whispered.

My thoughts were flooded with memories of the last year. Carlisle and his family had become the family I never had, but always wanted. It wasn't their fault I became a vampire. Instead of abandoning me like Edward did, they were patiently by my side - answering my questions, teaching me, loving me as a sister and daughter.

As much as I didn't like Edward, maybe I could tolerate him if it meant being surrounded by a loving family for eternity.

Alice rushed into the room, looking relieved. "Your timing was perfect Carlisle!" she exclaimed.

He looked at her curiously and I glared at her. Only Alice had known how close I was to leaving the family...and that I had changed my mind.

"Don't try to pretend you're mad at me," Alice wagged her finger. "It didn't take much to convince you to stay."

I sighed. Even though my newborn year was officially over, my emotions still felt very erratic.

"You were leaving?" Carlisle asked me, confused.

"Um...I..." stammered.

"Edward is back," Alice interrupted. "He's outside with Jasper right now."

Carlisle's face lit up with delight. "Esme," he called out. "Did you hear?"

Esme appeared in the doorway, her face showing equal excitement. Together, she and Carlisle raced downstairs.

I groaned and slumped my shoulders, fighting the urge to escape. I didn't want to see Edward again...the idea made me nauseous.

"Can vampires throw up?" I asked Alice.

Instead of rolling her eyes at me, like I expected, she looked concerned and put a hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay," she assured me. "I promise."

The family had a lot of confidence in Alice and I did, too. I believed her immediately, but I still felt anxious.

"Could you, Jasper and I go somewhere for a few days?" I asked. "I haven't left the estate in a year...it would be nice to have a change of scenery." I wasn't leaving the family, but that didn't mean I couldn't go away for a few days...clear my head, figure out how I felt about Edward.

Alice smiled. "Sure, we can do that. Jasper?"

Just as Esme appeared, so did Jasper. Vampire hearing and speed were useful time savers.

"We could go to one of the islands outside Vancouver," he suggested. "If we planned the timing right, we wouldn't encounter any humans...or at least, not any crowds."

I swallowed nervously. I hadn't considered the human factor. I was glad I hadn't left on my own. My bloodlust was probably strong and I didn't know how I would react to real temptation. In the distance, I heard the sound of chatter, as Esme and Carlisle greeted Edward. I grew anxious.

"How soon can we leave?" I asked.

Jasper looked at Alice, then back at me. "An hour. We'll need to make arrangements for a boat...and do a little research for what island we want to visit. Is that okay?"

Leaving immediately wasn't soon enough for me, but I knew I needed to be patient. I could be in a house with Edward for one hour...maybe.

Alice linked her arm with mine. "Jasper will do the planning...you and I will join the others. I'm sure you are just as curious as we are about where Edward has been for the last year."

Inwardly, I groaned and as I did, Jasper gave a compassionate smile. "One hour, then we'll go," he promised with a wink, then left the room.

Almost always in a good mood, Alice giggled. I braced myself, as we made our way downstairs.

It would be the longest hour of my existence.


	10. Chapter 10

To my pleasure, Edward wasn't welcomed back with hugs and kisses. When Alice and I arrived downstairs, Esme and Carlisle were upset with Edward, shocked at his appearance.

"Where _were_ you?" Esme gasped, full of worry. "How did you get this way?"

Edward wasn't paying any attention to her. He was looking at _me_.

I frowned and glanced at Alice. She led us to the sofa, where we both sat.

"You haven't hunted in a long time," Carlisle observed. "How do you feel?"

"I feel...wonderful," Edward breathed, smiling at me. I avoided his gaze and looked out the window.

Carlisle and Esme peppered Edward with questions, but he ignored them. It was as though he was in a trance. I was amazed at their patience. For awhile, it was silent, and I figured they were all trying to communicate with Edward via their thoughts.

There was an awkward tension in the room, as I tried to ignore Edward, as he ignored everyone else.

Suddenly, Rosalie and Emmett entered the living room. I breathed a sigh of relief and watched to see their reaction to Edward.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett exclaimed in shock.

Rosalie wrinkled her nose in disgust, noticing his torn and dirty clothes, his face covered with mud, and eyes black as coal. "You look horrible, Edward."

When Edward didn't respond, Emmett looked at Carlisle. "Should we be worried?"

If Emmett was concerned, I knew it was serious. I quickly glanced at Edward. The spell of silence was suddenly broken.

"I'm fine," he replied, but didn't take his eyes off me.

"A _year_ ," Rosalie snapped at Edward. "No phone call, no letters...you're such an _asshole._ "

She joined Alice and I on the sofa, crossing her arms and scowling. I couldn't help but smile in amusement. Just like Emmett, Rosalie always said what she was thinking.

"It's true, bro," Emmett agreed. "Why did you freak out and leave? You've been missing out...Bella is awesome."

He looked at me with a sort of brotherly pride, but I was embarrassed. I starred at my lap.

"Are you going to tell us where you went or not?" Alice demanded. "Wherever it was, it seems like you stayed there. I saw a vision of somewhere very dark."

Edward didn't respond. Jasper's scent grew stronger and out of the corner of my eye I saw him sit beside Alice. Immediately, I felt less anxious. It gave me the courage to look at Edward again.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then seemed to reconsider. Pain washed over his face and it made me tense. My first instinct was to comfort him, but it was quickly followed by fear. Was I in danger?

"I want to speak to Bella, alone," he announced.

My eyes widened and I looked at Jasper and Alice in a panic. No, no, no, no. no. I grabbed Alice's hand and she squeezed it as Jasper sent an extra wave of calm my way.

Carlisle noticed my reaction and although we hadn't discussed my ill feelings toward Edward, he seemed to understand.

"You should hunt first, Edward. You are very thirsty."

"I want to speak with Bella," he repeated stubbornly.

Everyone started to argue with Edward, even Esme. I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the tension. I felt as though I was somehow to blame for this...and it was exactly why I didn't think I could co-exist with Edward.

"Just go hunt," I mumbled, softer than a whisper.

"Okay."

Everyone stopped talking and starred at Edward in shock. I starred at him, too. Vampire hearing. Of course, he and the entire family had heard me, but I didn't think he would actually _listen_ to me.

Edward kept his eyes on me as he backed out of the room and then disappeared, leaving the family dumbfounded.

"We should follow him," Carlisle suggested. "He's not in his right mind."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Edward was _definitely_ weird

Alice spoke up. "Jasper, Bella and I are going away...on a hunting trip of our own. We'll return in a few days."

Emmett pouted. "No fair, I wanted to see Bella hunt something bigger than deer...Edward ruins everything."

"We'll still go on a trip this summer," I promised. "I won't hunt any grizzly bears unless you're with me." I knew how Emmett felt about bears.

He grinned. "Thanks."

Rosalie sighed. "We'll miss you. Have a safe trip. We'll babysit Edward for you and make sure he doesn't take off for another year."

The idea of Edward leaving again made me feel as though I was punched in the stomach. It didn't make sense. I didn't want to be near him. Why did I panic at the thought of him gone?

Carlisle and Esme, along with Emmett and Rosalie, quickly hugged us goodbye, then left the house in a hurry.

"Edward is very fast," Alice explained.

"Well, ladies," Jasper smiled brightly, "I called my contact and he's arranged for a boat to be waiting for us in Clallum Bay. I thought we would run, but since the forest is rather _crowded_ , shall we drive?"

I nodded. I didn't want to cross paths with Edward while he was hunting. It would be dangerous...he might attack.

Alice giggled. "Let's take Edward's Aston Martin. And Bella... _you_ can drive."


	11. Chapter 11

"She's gone."

Edward looked like a lost puppy dog. He, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett returned from hunting to find an empty house.

"Surely you heard their thoughts..." Esme was confused at his surprise.

"I can't hear Bella's thoughts. Her mind is closed to me. I didn't think she'd leave...I thought she'd stay...for me."

"Why would she stay for _you_?" Rosalie scowled. "Last time she saw you, you tried to kill her."

Edward groaned and his now butterscotch colored eyes clouded with grief.

"Are you in pain?" Carlisle asked.

"You look miserable," Esme mumbled with worry.

"Where did she go? I must find her."

"I think they mentioned visiting one of the Vancouver islands..." Carlisle recalled.

Edward stood up, ready to bolt.

"Wait a minute," Emmett crossed his arms. "What if you leave and they return? They said they'd be back in a few days. Bella won't be happy if you're gone."

Instantly, Edward changed his mind. "Alright, I'll stay."

Emmett began to laugh. "I was just joking...Bella doesn't even like you!"

Edward hung his head in shame. "What I did to her was unforgivable."

Esme swatted Emmett on the arm. "Shush...Edward, once Bella gets to know you, I'm sure she'll love you as we all do."

"Son, why did you flee?" Carlisle asked. "Mistakes have been made before and we took care of it. But, you left without a word. We were worried."

Edward began to sob and dropped to the floor. Everyone starred at him in alarm. While he had his emotional moments, Edward had never broken down like this before, never been so transparently vulnerable.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes, watching Edward carefully. He briefly nodded and a rueful smile came across Rosalie's lips. She began to laugh.

"What?" Emmett inquired.

"Edward loves Bella," she answered.

Disbelief covered everyone's faces. "But, he doesn't even know her," Emmett replied.

Rosalie shrugged. "It wasn't his choice. Bella is his _mate_."

Carlisle and Esme didn't try to hide their delight. Esme shrieked and Carlisle gave him a proud slap on the back.

"Congratulations, son. We are thrilled. You've waited so long."

Emmett crossed his arms with displeasure. "If Bella is your mate, how could you leave her when she needed you most? We all understand that her blood tempted you, but when she was changing you should have been there for her. Hearing Rosalie's voice when I was burning gave me the strength to endure it. Bella needed you."

Rosalie wrapped her arms around Emmett's waist and gave an affectionate squeeze.

"I thought I had killed her," Edward moaned. "I tried to punish myself by living with the grief, I went into a cave to hide, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't live without her, so I returned today to ask for Jasper to end my existence. If he refused, I was going to the Volturi."

Carlisle and Esme shook their heads in disapproval. Emmett and Rosalie's frustration faded upon realizing how serious Edward was.

"Thank heavens you didn't!" Esme exclaimed.

"Stand up," Carlisle encouraged Edward, putting his hand under his right arm and offering support. He looked directly into his eyes. "Bella is alive and well...don't disappear under a cloud of self-loathing. She still needs you."

"Will she ever forgive me?"

Carlisle nodded. "Of course she will...mating is a mutual thing. She may not realize it now, but she will one day."

Edward took a deep breath. "Thank you."

Peace did not last long. He looked frantically at Emmett, reading his thoughts.

Emmett shrugged. "Sorry, I don't think it's a _realistic_ possibility..."

"Explain, please," Rosalie demanded.

"With the five of us here together, it reminded me of old times, before Jasper and Alice joined us. It made me wonder if Bella convinced them to go away together for more than a few days. Jasper and Alice weren't always with us...maybe they want their own coven."

"No, no, no, no, no, no..." Edward started to panic. Then, he began to run.

Esme sighed.

"Oh, dear."


	12. Chapter 12

I missed Edward.

I hated to admit that to myself, but I did. As soon as we left the house, I felt nervous, but I thought it was because it was my first time venturing out into the public since I had been changed. Alice insisted that I drive, she sat in Jasper's lap in the passenger seat, as he gave me directions on where to go. Temptation came quickly, even on the deserted country roads, I could smell the faint hint of something truly mouth watering. Jasper gave me a knowing look and nodded. _Humans_. Thankfully, not very near.

We reached the harbor and a boat was waiting for us at the dock. Within a few hours, we arrived at an island. Only the scents of abundant wildlife greeted us. I sighed, thankful for this retreat. Seeing Edward again shook me to my core. I needed time to recover.

After running all over the island and having confirmation it was deserted, I encouraged Jasper and Alice to wander off on their own. They needed time to themselves as a couple and I craved the solitude.

The nervous feeling I had remained, even though I was safe from the temptation of humans. Edward dominated my thoughts. They way he looked at me, the feeling of electricity when he was near, the general confusion that overwhelmed me. I didn't think I could live with him, but as the hours passed on the island, I began to wonder if I could live without him.

When we reunited the next day, Alice, Jasper and I went cliff jumping at a waterfall on the island and it was a nice distraction. The risk of injury was gone, now that I was a vampire, but it was still thrilling. After several hours of fun, I noticed the way Jasper and Alice were looking at each other and I excused myself. The connection they shared was strong. I wasn't jealous, but it made me wonder if I would ever find a love like that.

The two of them, along with Carlisle and Esme and Rosalie and Emmett...they were all perfectly matched sets of lovers. My memories had faded over the year, but I coudn't remember encountering any human couples that had the chemistry and committment they had. During the past year, I had grown to understand what the word mate meant for a vampire. In an eternal existence, it was one of our few comforts - a companion, lover, closest friend - forever. For a year I'd been living in a house with three bonded pairs...it was hard to ignore their obsession with one another.

As I wandered through the forest, not feeling cold, even though I was soaking wet and it was raining, I took a deep breath, enhaling the scents of the forest. Suddenly, I froze. Even though I had only met him once since being changed, I would recognize his scent anywhere. _Edward._

I glanced to my right and left and listened carefully. I didn't hear anything unusual, but I felt his presence. He was here. Somewhere.

Anxiety overwhelmed me. I began to panic. I felt a mixture of anticipation and dread. I was _afraid_ of Edward, yet I was drawn to him. Not wanting to postpone the inevitable, I made a move. If he was going to attack me, so be it.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," I called out into the forest, surprising myself that I remembered this phrase from childhood hide and seek.

Immediately, Edward appeared a few feet in front of me. For a few moments, we stared at each other. I calmed down, slightly. He didn't seem dangerous. His eyes were butterscotch, which told me he hunted, but his clothes were still torn and dirty. It was hard to believe that if he lived with Alice, she would ever allow him to dress like that.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice quiet, but curious.

"I missed you."

A chill ran down my spine. I missed him, too, but I wasn't about to admit it. Instead, I rolled my eyes. It only made Edward smile.

"How did you find us?"

"I knew you were on one of these islands...I chartered a boat and then drove around until I picked up Jasper and Alice's thoughts...then it was easy."

"When did you arrive?"

"A few hours ago. You were having fun...I didn't want to interrupt."

 _You're_ _so_ _strange,_ I thought. _Hello,_ _hello,_ _can_ _you_ _hear_ _me?_ No response.

"You can't read my thoughts, can you?"

Edward shook his head. "No."

I gave a smirk, relieved that he couldn't hear my conflicting feelings for him.

"Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?" he asked, coyly, with a crooked smile.

Was he _flirting_ with me? If I was a human, I knew I would have blushed.

"No," I mumbled, turning to walk towards the beach. I knew he would follow me and he did.

Once there, I sat on a piece of driftwood and looked out at the ocean. Edward sat beside me.

"I know it's too little, too late, but I want to apologize for attacking you. It is an unforgivable offense."

Although I felt he was being a bit overly dramatic, I believed him to be sincere. But, he was right. It _was_ unforgivable. It was a miracle I survived, yet in the process my humanity was stolen from me. It didn't matter that I seemed rather unusually suited and comfortable with being a vampire. Edward had still changed my life forever.

"Why did you leave?" I asked, looking at him directly. When he wasn't there when I woke up from the burning, I felt sad and disappointed...incomplete. I wonder if it had something to do with him being my sire.

"I thought I killed you...the grief was unbearable."

"Weren't you trying to kill me in the first place?"

Edward frowned. "Yes...no...I don't want to make excuses, but...I need to explain. I've never encountered a human that appealed to me the way you did. Your scent...your blood...it sang to me. It was like my own personal brand of heroin. I simply could not resist. I had no choice."

I rolled my eyes. "Carlisle says we always have a _choice_."

"He's right...we do. But, I was too weak. The monster I spent years subduing was unleashed. I'll regret attacking you every moment for the rest of my existence."

Again, I felt his sincerity. But, it couldn't change the past.

"What's done is done," I replied, turning my gaze back to the ocean.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked.

"You just said it was unforgivable," I pointed out.

Edward sighed. "You're right. I did."

We sat in silence for a long time. More than anything, I felt confused. I couldn't forgive him so easily, but I'd never forgotten the moment when I first saw Edward. He was beautiful, captivating. When he said, "She's mine," it resonated with me. I _was_ his. But, then, almost immediately, the pain began. It was the clearest memory I had of anything, human or vampire.

Now I realized that when he said, "She's mine," he was referring to my blood. I felt a little embarrassed for considering it meant more than that. Maybe my reaction was physiological. Maybe my blood was meant for him...and that's why I felt so oddly connected to him. After all, he created me...his venom was part of my molecular structure now. Maybe because he was my sire, I would always feel connected to him...in some weird way. It explained why I missed him when he was gone. Just as Carlisle created Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett...Edward had created me. Alice didn't remember her creator, but Jasper remembered his...I made a mental note to ask him about it in the future.

I also admitted to myself, but not to Edward of course, that I had never encountered a human face to face, so I had no right to be judgmental about his lack of control. I had no idea how I would react to a bleeding human in front of me, but I could imagine it wouldn't be easy to restrain myself. He obviously regretted attacking me. Maybe it was because of guilt or because he disappointed his family. Whatever it was, he was trying to make amends. I didn't think I could forgive him, but I _could_ do my part in making peace.

"Apology accepted," I said, interrupting the silence.

I glanced at him out of corner of my eye. Edward's eyes lit up, full of hope.

"This doesn't mean we're BFFs now..." I warned.

"BFFs?"

I'd forgotten Edward wasn't my age, although physically we were both seventeen.

"Best friends forever."

He smiled. I didn't like the amusement on his face...it felt condescending. He thought I was joking.

I stiffened. Whether I liked it or not, I would have to learn to co-exist with Edward. I loved his family and didn't want to leave them.

Noticing my mood, the smile faded from Edward's face. He looked at me seriously.

"Bella...don't you feel it?" he asked.

I tried to play dumb. "Feel what?"

"The connection between us." Edward looked nervous, but hopeful.

Even though I was feeling nervous, too, I just simply shrugged in response. As a new vampire, I didn't know all the rules yet. I hoped I didn't have some weird obligation to Edward. Although he was the one to change me, it wasn't his intention.

I didn't owe him anything.


	13. Chapter 13

Although he was clearly disappointed, Edward didn't force the conversation about a "connection" between us.

We continued to sit and stare at the ocean in silence until Alice and Jasper came to find us. They didn't seem upset that Edward had crashed our weekend away, even though they knew he was the reason I wanted to go away in the first place. He was greeted as though they weren't surprised at all he was sitting beside me. I figured either Alice's foresight had warned her and she didn't tell me or they had picked up his scent in the forest as I had.

If anything, Alice was upset Edward was still wearing the same tattered clothes he'd returned in, and she encouraged us to return to Forks so he could change immediately. Since my plan to avoid Edward had failed, I had no reason to stay on the island, and agreed it was time to go home. At nightfall we traveled back to the mainland. The convertible we drove to the harbor was waiting for us, but it was only a two-seater and there were four of us. It was Edward's car, but he offered to run and allow us to drive it back. Jasper volunteered to travel with him, which left Alice and I with the car. She seemed surprised Edward was so generous and made a comment that he rarely let her drive his cars. It was the reason she had stolen it in the first place and insisted I drive...she expected it to annoy him.

I had to smile, silently agreeing that I liked any plan that involved annoying Edward.

As we drove back to Forks, Alice did not obey the speed limit. She pushed the pedal to the floor and tested the engine's power. Commenting that all the Cullens liked to drive fast, we reached the outskirts of town within a short time. It was in the early hours of the morning, still dark, and the town was deserted.

I had a spontaneous idea.

"Alice, can we drive by Charlie's house?"

She was surprised and frowned. "I don't know if that's a good idea...you haven't been exposed to any humans yet...it might be dangerous."

"I'm well fed...and I already smell humans scents in the distance and haven't gone after them. I'm a year old...and I'll be good. I promise."

It felt as though I was a child, begging my mother for permission. Alice narrowed her eyes and concentrated.

"I _think_ it will be okay..."

Even though she was driving, I reached over to hug her. "Thank you!"

Alice smiled compassionately. "I understand...if I remembered my human family, I would want to check on them, too."

"Do you know where he lives?" I asked. I definitely couldn't remember. The details in my human memories were fuzzy.

She nodded. "We went to his house shortly after you joined us. Carlisle wanted to see how Charlie was dealing with your loss." Alice reached out and squeezed my hand. "He's doing okay."

A lump of emotion formed in my throat. It was incredibly kind and considerate of the family to check on Charlie when I couldn't - after all, I had only just graduated from being a dangerous newborn.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"We also sent someone to check on Renee in Florida. Of course, she was devastated, but Phil was a comfort to her. Recently, our source gave us news that Renee is pregnant." Alice looked at me carefully. "Sorry for not telling you...I was afraid that it would make you sad, since you were having a hard time adjusting to becoming one of us. I thought that if we mentioned Charlie or Renee you'd withdrawn again."

Alice seemed sincere and it was much easier to forgive her than Edward. I could understand why she hadn't talked to me about it. I hadn't spoken of Charlie or Renee at all, other than when Carlisle told me I couldn't see them again. She was right - it would've made me very sad and probably withdrawn again. But, I very much appreciated the family even considering my parents, and keeping updated on their lives on my behalf.

"You were protecting me...I understand."

"We were going to tell you after you passed the newborn year and you felt more secure. Honestly. The family has an unofficial rule of not keeping secrets. It's difficult with an empath, mind reader and teller of the future." Alice smiled ironically, then frowned. "That's why it hurt everyone so much when Edward left without an explanation."

"Did he ever tell you why he left?"

She shook her head. "No, but he talked to Jasper and Jasper told me. He talked to you, didn't he?"

I nodded. "Edward told me what he felt when he saw me," I replied.

Alice was surprised. "He did? And how do _you_ feel about that?"

"I don't understand it, but I've never experienced it before either. Has it happened to you?"

Although the family didn't go into details about their moments of weakness, I knew the entire family, except for Carlisle and Rosalie, had made mistakes. I wondered if it happened the way it did with Edward and me - he snapped and within an instant, I was being drained.

Alice looked at me, slightly confused. "Yes, with _Jasper_."

My eyes widened. "Oh." I knew Jasper's past and how he didn't always follow the "vegetarian diet." It was harder for him than anyone else in the family. I knew I should be thankful that of all the vampires in the world, I found a family that grieved deeply over taking human lives. I didn't know Edward well, but it made sense that for him, if he killed a human, he would respond in a more dramatic fashion that the others - like going off and isolating himself for a year.

I didn't want to embarrass Alice for details regarding her weakness, so I changed the subject.

"Are we near Charlie's house yet?" I asked.

"Yes, next street over. How are you doing?"

I was well aware, _too_ aware, of the heartbeats and scents I detected in the neighborhood. But, I felt in control.

"I'm okay," I assured her.

Although I didn't recognize the house, the police cruiser in the driveway told me it was the home of Charlie Swan. The lights were off and the street was silent. Alice turned off the lights and cut the ignition, watching me carefully.

I smiled sadly. "I'm not going to attack."

She responded with an equally sad smile. "I know."

For a few minutes, I stared at the house, trying to remember the summers I spent in Forks as a child. Realizing the memories were too fuzzy, I opened the locket I was wearing, the one Carlisle had given me, and looked at Charlie and Rene's picture.

I sobbed, tearless sobs, and Alice reached for my hand. So much had changed in a year. I was frozen in time, yet would live forever. Charlie and Renee's life was moving on...without me.

The grief overwhelmed me, but as I turned my gaze to the other photo in the locket, of the Cullen family, I knew I wasn't alone. In many ways, I had gained so much more than what I had in my human life. My eyes set on Edward. He wasn't smiling in the picture, but he didn't look unhappy. A strange feeling came over me and I shut the locket.

"We can go now," I told Alice.

As we drove away, I looked over my shoulder and watched Charlie's house fade into the distance. I felt as if it was official.

My old life was gone and my new life was just now beginning.


	14. Chapter 14

When Alice and I returned from visiting Charlie's house, Edward had been furious. He ranted and raved about how dangerous it was to take me into town. I couldn't help but be offended by his intensity. Did he think I had no control at all? His trust in me was that weak?

From that point on, I decided not to speak to him. It was childish, I knew, but Edward had a profound effect on me that I did not like. Why should I care so much about his opinion of me? He, who changed my life forever, should not be considered. After all, he didn't consider the consequences when he tore my flesh and pushed his venom into my bloodstream. It was a miracle I had survived.

Despite the fact that I refused to speak to him, Edward followed me around like a puppy. Oddly, I didn't mind his presence, but I did choose to ignore him most of the time. It seemed the family found it amusing, but the situation was never discussed openly.

After "graduating" from Forks High School, Emmett and Rosalie took an extended vacation in Africa, but they Skyped with us almost every day. Jasper, also a recent graduate, stayed in town, of course, as Edward and Alice finished their senior year. When school was over each day, Edward would rush to my side, an expression of relief on his face, as though I would have vanished while he was gone. He would give a small sigh, smile, then retreat for a moment, only to reappear later and watch me while I was doing whatever I was doing.

I was mostly confined to our estate, to maintain secrecy and not alert the Quileites that the treaty had been broken. But, occasionally, during school hours, Jasper and I would take covert trips to Seattle, to acclimate myself to humans. Jasper was continually impressed with my control, but did not push me too far. We would visit museums, walk along the waterfront or wander into a store and buy something for Alice. Edward always seemed to be in an especially bad mood on those days, even if we returned home before he did. It wasn't easy living with a mind reader and I was thankful he still could not detect my thoughts. Edward would always glare at Jasper and they would have a silent conversation, until Alice intervened. I tried to ignore his tantrums, but didn't understand the cause of them.

As I embraced my new life, I found refuge in my relationship with Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me with open arms and never made me feel like a nuisance, even though I was rather clingy at times.

Esme and I created a little reading room for me in the attic, since it offered the most privacy in the house, and I didn't have a room of my own. She was a talented architect and designer, and what she created was amazing. Shelves were built along the wall that Esme filled with a collection of books, many my favorite and many I'd never read before. The two of us would sit together, as I read, and she knitted. I appreciated that Esme didn't always have to fill the silence with conversation. When Carlisle returned from work, the three of us would go hunting together or watch a movie or have long talks in Carlisle's office. Edward was never far from my sight. Occasionally he would join us, other times, he would just watch from a distance. If it was awkward for them, Carlisle and Esme never commented on it.

Carlisle and Esme were two of the most compassionate, kind, intelligent people I'd ever met. When I was with them, I felt truly loved and accepted. Their goodness helped my adjustment into embracing life as a non-human. Although more than a year had passed, being a vampire still brought new discoveries every day.

And even though I had said goodbye to my human family and embraced my new one, it was still difficult to remain in Forks, so close to Charlie, and not be able to see him. It was part of the reason I found solace in Carlisle and Esme.

There wasn't really a temptation to see Charlie, but there were reminders, such as reading the local newspaper or hearing random bits of conversation about the town from Carlisle, of the life I was supposed to have. I didn't voice my concerns, but I knew Jasper could detect my mood.

To my surprise, during spring vacation, when Alice and Edward were on a break from school, Carlisle and Esme announced they were taking a trip.

"We're traveling to Buffalo, to research our next location. There's a nearby village called Hamburg that seems to be suited to our family's needs," Carlisle smiled.

I swallowed nervously, feeling a bit of anxiety. "When are you going?"

"Tomorrow and we'll be back Friday," Esme replied. "Alice and Jasper are coming with us."

I glanced at Edward, who held an unreadable expression, then back at Esme.

"You're leaving me with _him_?"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and support! These chapters are short, but I plan on posting every day (as my usual style goes). Thanks for reading!

* * *

Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper all responded with an amused look on their faces, which further annoyed me. I didn't bother to catch Edward's reaction.

"Why can't I go, too?" I asked, whining like a petulant child.

Alice smiled. "We won't be gone long," she tried to comfort me. "The four of us are going so that we can settle things more quickly…that's all. You would be bored."

Although I didn't think Alice was lying, I _did_ notice the way she and Jasper glanced at each other, with the same affection Carlisle and Esme shared. Suddenly, I realized why they wanted to go without me. They wanted _couple_ time, but were too polite to come right out and say it.

I couldn't argue with that. I monopolized Carlisle and Esme's time and even Jasper and Alice devoted much of their time to me. They deserved to get away and be alone together. Immediately, I felt embarrassed for not recognizing their needs, but my mood quickly changed to one of assurance and love.

"We'll miss you," Jasper grinned, giving me a wink. Then, he glanced at Edward and rolled his eyes. "And we'll be back before you know it."

I took a deep breath, even though I didn't need it, and nodded my head. "Of course, I understand. Have a safe trip."

"Edward will watch out for you," Esme replied. "Won't you Edward?"

Only sensing Esme's genuine concern kept me from responding that I didn't need to be taken care of….especially not by Edward. Instead, I gave Edward an icy glare.

"I'm sure we'll have lots of fun," I muttered sarcastically, speaking directly to Edward for the first time in months. His eyes widened and he began to smile, seemingly oblivious to my attitude.

But, he didn't say anything and Alice grabbed my hand, begging me to help her pack for the trip. Jasper followed us to their suite, and within minutes they both had me laughing with their animated story telling of the first time they went shopping together.

Although he was always watching me, I knew I was also always aware of Edward. I heard Carlisle ask Edward to go hunting and the two of them quickly left the house.

The next morning, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice drove to Port Angeles, where they were to take a private jet to fly them to New York. I watched their car drive away, a lump of emotion in my throat. I felt nervous that they were going to be on a small aircraft. My human memories were fuzzy, but I still clearly remembered my own plane crash and the devastation that followed. What if they crashed and were engulfed in flames?

Edward stood beside me on the porch and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him glance at me as the car disappeared. The odd thing was, even though I was worried for my new family, I felt safe being with Edward. Annoyed, yes. But, also safe. Despite my childish refusal to speak to him, I _did_ feel better when he was near. Of course, I wasn't about to admit that to _him_ or anyone else. I barely allowed myself to consider it.

Ignoring Edward, I turned around and went back into the house, climbing the stairs slowly to my attic retreat. Grabbing a book, I plopped down on one of the chairs, and tried to distract my worry by reading. When Edward didn't follow me, I began to wonder where he was, until I heard the sound of music. He was playing the piano, a classical piece by Debussey. It felt oddly familiar, although I didn't know why.

I smiled. Edward played beautifully. Rosalie and Esme also played the piano, but there was something different about Edward's musical ability. He was really talented and I enjoyed listening to him whenever he played.

The music was comforting and I continued to read for several hours while he played. When night fell, the music stopped and Edward appeared. I looked up from my book. He seemed nervous.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" he asked.

I shrugged, nodded in agreement and followed Edward to the screening room. If we were stuck spending the week together, I couldn't completely ignore him.

Edward didn't give me the choice of movie, instead he picked up a DVD from the shelf, popped it in the machine, and the screen lit up.

My eyes widened and I quickly turned to Edward, who was sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.

" _The Princess Bride_? Really?"

Edward frowned. "If you don't like it, we can watch something else…"

I shook my head. "It's okay…just surprising."

Edward smiled. "Why?"

"You're a 100 year old vampire…I thought you might want to watch something …."

"About monsters?" he guessed. " _Frankenstein, Dracula_ …. _Creature from the Black Lagoon_?"

He was teasing me and I couldn't help but smile. I rolled my eyes.

" _Substantial_ ….like Fellini's _La Dolce Vita_ or even something by Hitchcock."

Since I had become a vampire, I'd watched countless movies, even _The Princess Bride_ , but that had been with Emmett and seemed to suit his fun loving personality. Edward was more reserved and elegant. I'd always imagined him having more high-brow tastes.

"I like Hitchcock and Fellini, but I'll have you know _The Princess Bride_ is very substantial. Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions…."

I laughed at his recitation of lines from the movie, and his perfect imitation of the grandfather. "Okay, okay," I interrupted. "It _is_ substantial."

"And true love," Edward added, returning to his normal voice. "You can't forget that."

His gaze was piercing and full of meaning. I would have blushed, had I still been human. My eyes darted back to the screen.

"It's starting…." I mumbled, shifting my body away from Edward and covering my face with my hair, so he couldn't see my awkwardness, although he undoubtedly felt it.

The awkwardness soon vanished, as I concentrated on the movie and Edward and I began laughing at all the same scenes. Before long, we began to quote our favorite lines in anticipation of seeing them on screen.

 _"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."_

" _Inconceivable!"_

" _No more rhymes now - I mean it! Anybody want a peanut."_

When the movie ended, I realized that I hadn't had this much fun in a very long time. Even though I enjoyed being with the family, being with Edward was…different.

"Should we watch another movie?" I asked.

Edward gave me a gentle smile.

"As you wish."


	16. Chapter 16

Edward and I watched _The Three Amigos_ next, then all five of the _Monty Python_ movies, since I had never seen them before. Then, we transitioned into more serious films, _Gone with the Wind_ , _To Kill a Mockingbird_ and _Romeo and Juliet_.

I knew I wasn't physically able to cry anymore, but Romeo and Juliet evoked strong emotions within me. Two lovers…kept apart because of misunderstanding. It was heartbreaking.

When the movie ended, I didn't want Edward to see how undone I had become.

"The family has such a large collection of DVDs," I remarked, jumping up, feigning fascination. "The selection is amazing."

Edward shrugged. "It helps to pass the time."

Suddenly, I tensed. I had been so relaxed, but now felt so guarded. Edward was just _passing the time_ by watching movies with me? Of course. The laughter, the conversation, it was only because he was bored….not because of any other reason.

"Yeah, I guess eternity can get pretty boring," I replied and Edward instantly noticed the change in my tone and demeanor. He looked at me curiously.

"Is something wrong?" Edward asked.

I shook my head innocently and walked out of the room.

 _I'm not a newborn anymore. My emotions shouldn't be so delicate_ , I thought to myself. _Why do I care if Edward was watching movies with me just because he was bored?_

I felt the need to run and headed outside and into the forest. It felt unnatural to be alone, the family always hunted in pairs or as a group, and the solitude wasn't comforting. When a breeze brought Edward's scent my way, and I knew he was following me, I felt better.

I ran until I reached the ocean, sat down on a cliff, and stared out at the dark water. Within moments, Edward was sitting beside me.

"Why are you always following me?" I asked impulsively.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I admitted.

We sat in silence for a moment, until Edward spoke again.

"I want to be near you," he explained. "I _need_ to be near you."

Nervously, I glanced at him. "The _connection_ …I feel it too."

Edward looked slightly surprised at my confession. "You do? Then, why before today did you refuse to talk to me…barely even acknowledge me?"

There was hurt in his voice and it pained me to hear it.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't really want to have this conversation with Edward. Whatever was happening between us….I wasn't ready. I felt embarrassed that I had been so stubborn, but I didn't understand the connection I felt to him, either. At least I admitted it. It was a good first step, right?

"I want us to be friends," I added, hoping to ease his pain.

"Friends," Edward repeated, as though he'd never heard the word before.

"I haven't been very nice to you and I'm apologize for that."

He shook his head. "No need to apologize. I deserved it."

"You didn't."

We continued to sit in silence, but there was now a new sense of peace between Edward and me. The air was cleared…sort of…and without explicitly saying it, I knew we had a fresh start.

"It's funny…we haven't been alone together like this since that night on the island," I commented, remembering how he apologized for hurting me….and now I was apologizing for hurting him.

"I know."

Only one day alone with Edward had melted the hostility I felt towards him. If we had this time together months ago, maybe I wouldn't have acted so childishly and would have prevented hurting him in the process. But, we never had the opportunity….

Suddenly, I realized why we _were_ alone.

"Did Alice plan this?"

Edward's cell phone rang. He glanced at it. "Speak of the devil….'

I grabbed the phone and answered it. "Alice, I don't appreciate being manipulated."

"Please don't see it that way….I only had good intentions and want the best for both you and Edward. He was so miserable…and wanted so desperately to break the silence between you. The trip provided the opportunity…I hid my thoughts from Edward so he wouldn't know my intentions…."

Edward turned so I couldn't see his face. I wondered what he was thinking. I didn't know my ignoring him had made him _miserable._ I knew he had a profound affect on me, but I didn't know I had a profound affect on _him_.

I interrupted Alice's apology with two simple words.

"It's okay."

The line went silent. "Really?"

"Yes. How's New York?"

Edward laid on his back and stared up at the stars, while I chatted with Alice about the first day of their trip. I glanced at Edward and offered him the phone, but he shook his head. When it began to rain, I told Alice to give Jasper, Carlisle and Esme my love and said goodbye.

"Ready to go home?" Edward asked, jumping up.

I nodded and he held out his hand to help me stand. It was such a chivalrous gesture, unneeded, but thoughtful, that I didn't respond for a moment. He waited patiently, his hand extended.

I smiled hesitantly and accepted the offer. When our hands touched, I felt a spark of electricity and warmth fill my body. I stopped breathing and froze in place. Slowly, I looked up at Edward and saw him watching me with _desire_ in his eyes. Feelings began tumbling from deep within me and I matched his desire with my own. Frightened by the intensity, I pulled my hand away from Edward's.

"It's raining," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact. "We should run."

As vampires, we always ran when we traveled in the woods…to walk would be unnecessarily slow, so it was a ridiculous and obvious statement. Edward simply nodded in response. To my surprise, he took my hand in his again, and began to lead me towards our home. The electricity, warmth and desire returned, but it wasn't so shocking this time. Holding hands with Edward felt completely natural, as though our bodies were meant to be joined together.

When we arrived back at the house, our clothes were drenched from the rain, and splattered with mud from the forest. As we climbed the steps of the back porch, Edward leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to clean myself up," he murmured in my ear.

I nodded, too flustered to speak, and Edward vanished inside the house.

What was _happening_?


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** I love you guys SO MUCH! Thanks for reading this story!

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Without the family at home to distract me from Edward, it suddenly felt like he and I were the only two people on earth. As I made my way to the guest bedroom that I used to keep the clothes Alice bought me and went into the adjoining bathroom I was keenly aware that Edward was taking a shower. The thought of him filled my body with… _yearning_.

It was funny what human memories remained and what were fuzzy or lost forever. I remembered my father's face, but not really my mother's. I remembered that Washington, D.C. was the nation's capital, but I couldn't recall when my birthday was. I remembered the burning pain of my transformation with the most clarity, but also the moments before that. I remembered with high definition the first time I laid eyes on Edward. I _felt_ something as I looked at him...a connection I'd never known before...and it frightened me.

But, then he disappeared and I tried to forget him. When he returned, I tried to ignore him. The family was a good distraction, and I had grown to love them, but I also hid behind them. I used them as protection because Edward frightened me. The fear…I thought it was because he tried to kill me. But, I was now starting to realize I feared him for a different reason.

Only one day alone with Edward, simply holding his hand, a kiss on the cheek… I'd barely glimpsed at the power of the _connection,_ and I knewit was powerful and potentially all consuming. I wasn't ready to surrender…not yet.

Instead of a shower, I decided to take a bubble bath. Soaking in the tub, I thought of all of my interactions with Edward over the last several months. I didn't even give Edward a Christmas present, even though he had gotten me a lovely first edition of Wuthering Heights. When he gave it to me, I barely even glanced at him, and acted as though I desperately needed to talk to Carlisle. Edward was always kind to me, while I acted like a child.

I was embarrassed of my actions, but glad that the ice had broken between us. And I was thankful that Edward didn't seem to be the kind of person to hold a grudge. He _did_ confuse me, though. I didn't understand why he was so patient with me. I doubted anyone else in the family would've allowed me to treat them so deplorably. Emmett would have arm wrestled me until I agreed to talk to him and Rosalie…she would have told me very directly what she thought of me.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized it was near the time Rosalie and Emmett would normally Skype with us. It had been a few days since I'd heard from them…they were traveling through a desert or something and I was anxious to see if they had settled in their new location safely. Bounding out of the tub, I quickly blew dry my hair, then changed into sweats and a t-shirt. Alice usually didn't allow me to dress so casually, and I was thankful to have a reprieve from being one of her fashion models.

In the distance I could hear Edward talking and then the faint sound of Emmett's voice. Following the noise, I found Edward in the family room, sitting on a sofa, with a laptop, talking to Emmett. Without hesitation, I plopped down beside him to greet Emmett.

"Hey, Em! Killed any lions yet?"

"Bella!" Emmett greeted warmly. He paused for a moment, looking a bit startled. As he opened his mouth to speak, Rosalie came into the picture and answered for him.

"So…you and Edward are home alone," she commented, with one eyebrow raised curiously.

It took only a second for me to realize that Emmett and Rosalie were not used to seeing me and Edward sitting so closely. I had subconsciously snuggled up next to Edward, leaning against his chest, so that I could see the webcam.

"And getting along _very well_ I can see…." Emmett started to chuckle.

Flustered, I scooted away from Edward, surprised at how comfortable and natural it felt to be so near him, and yet startled at Emmett's comment. Always the gentleman, Edward put his laptop on the coffee table, so we could both been seen on the webcam, but maintain space between us.

"We've been watching a lot of movies…and went for a run this evening," Edward answered evenly. "What have you two been doing?"

Emmett filled us in on their hunting expedition and the wildlife they'd been enjoying. He was a great storyteller, and I quickly relaxed hearing his very detailed explanation of fighting with a pack of lions. Rosalie was unusually quiet, but was known for being extremely reserved at times, even among family. It was one thing she and Edward seemed to have in common…both of them were prone to unexplained moodiness.

When it was time to say goodbye, Emmett very obviously winked at Edward, which he returned with a glare, and only made Emmett laugh. As Edward shut the laptop, he shook his head.

"Emmett has never been one for subtlety," Edward commented. "It's probably a good thing I can't read his mind over the Internet."

I gave a small smile and nodded. "It must be interesting to have your gift."

Edward sighed. "It's a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I wish I could just turn it off, but it helps the family and I'm thankful for that."

I understood. Carlisle had told me of several instances when Edward's mind reading ability had protected the family from discovery.

He grinned at me. "I wish I could read _your_ mind."

My eyes widened and I laughed. "God, no! I know it makes me a weirdo, but I'm so glad you _can't_! "

Edward's face grew serious. "You're not a weirdo, Bella. You're…."

He seemed to be trying to find the words to say, and the vulnerability on his face made me want to intervene.

"Thanks," I interrupted and started speaking quickly. "Carlisle thinks I have a gift….something to do with being a shield? I can guard my thoughts…and sometimes my emotions, too. Jasper and I have played around a bit with it, but I still don't quite have a grasp on it. There were a couple times when we were fighting that I was able to _physically_ block him…."

Edward's eyes blazed in anger when I mentioned fighting and I stopped talking. If I was going to try to get to know Edward, I had to understand his strange moods.

"What is it? Why are you mad?" I demanded.

His pursed his lips. "I don't like you fighting with Jasper."

"He was _training_ me," I explained. "It wasn't a real fight."

"I still don't like it."

"Why?"

"I feel very… _protective_ of you. When you and Jasper take your trips to Seattle I am always filled with worry. I know he will take care of you, but if anyone is going to fight, it should be _me_ fighting for you."

Edward spoke with such passion and sincerity, I didn't know how to respond. Was this how all sires felt about the people they had changed into vampires? Did he feel so protective because he _created_ me?

"That's very sweet," I finally said. "But, I can take care of myself."

Edward reached out and took my hand into his. I didn't pull away.

"I know you can, Bella. But, _I_ want to take care of you. Will you let me?"

I swallowed nervously, my breathing increased, and for a moment I thought I would melt from the love that flowed from Edward's eyes as he gazed at me. He opened his mouth to speak again.

"Bella, I…."

"I'm not ready to have this conversation," I blurted out in a panic, yanking my hand out of Edward's and jumping off the sofa. "I'm sorry…so sorry, but I just can't. It's too much…too overwhelming…and I'm scared."

Very calmly, Edward stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I returned the embrace and closed my eyes with a sigh. Strangely, him holding me was exactly what I needed, even though in a way, I was pushing him away.

"It's okay," he whispered in my ear. "We don't have to talk about it now. When you're ready, we will. Just promise me one thing?"

I looked up at him. "What is it?"

"Promise that you won't stop talking to me completely...ignoring me as you've done all these months. I deserved it, of course, but I don't think I could bare it if you did it again."

Edward's heart was wide open, so vulnerable, so delicate. His mouth was only inches from mine, his scent intoxicating and dazzling. Instead of responding with words, I leaned closer and pressed my lips against his.

The kiss was gentle, soft and simple, but filled with passion.

Edward's eyes widened and he grinned devilishly.

"You really shouldn't have done that."


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, trying to back away, but Edward held me close.

"Do you know how hard it has been to keep my hands off you all these months?" he murmured huskily. 'To be so close to you and not be able to touch your face, kiss your lips…."

Edward closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss me again. I didn't resist, but as his lips parted and his tongue lightly skimmed my bottom lip, I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed him away.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to give you mixed signals, truly, I don't…."

He had just seemed so fragile and I wanted to assure him that I didn't intend to hurt him anymore. The kiss just _happened_...it felt instinctual, beyond my control.

Edward wouldn't look me in the eyes, but simply nodded like a gentleman and then excused himself.

Immediately, I was full of remorse for kissing him. What was meant to be something to comfort seemed to only hurt Edward. It was strange that less than two days earlier, I was stubbornly ignoring him and now suddenly he seemed like the most important person in the world to me. I had no ideas my actions had been hurting him so deeply and here I was hurting him again. The idea of Edward being in pain was unbearable.

I was tempted to follow Edward, as he had followed me countless times, but I didn't. I was also tempted to call Esme and Carlisle and ask for their advice, but I didn't do that either. Instead, I went up to my reading nook in the attic and curled up in a ball on the window seat. At that moment, I wished I was able to sleep – to escape for at least a little while and find peace. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the rhythm of my breathing….

"Bella?" Edward shouted.

Startled, I jumped up and found Edward standing before me, a wild look of worry on his face.

"What is it?" I gasped, overcome with worry of my own. "Is everything okay?"

Edward sighed with relief. "I was on the phone with Alice…she said you disappeared."

Confused, I looked down at my body and around the room. "Um, I think I'm still here?"

Edward seemed embarrassed. "Alice's visions aren't always perfect…perhaps there was a glitch. Sorry to have bothered you."

He turned to leave, but I reached out and touched his arm. "Please stay."

I seemed to know instinctively that if Edward left again, he'd succumb to one of his moods. I was concerned that _he_ would start ignoring _me_. We had made progress…however bumpy and awkward it was, and I didn't want us to go backwards.

"Would you read to me?" I asked. Carlisle often read to me and Esme and Edward would join us at times. It wasn't that I couldn't read for myself, but from Carlisle I'd learned to have an appreciation for the written word…and the various ways to communicate it. "Carlisle's been reading Ovid's the _Metamorphoses_ in Latin….do you know it?"

I held my breath while waiting for Edward to respond. Slowly, he turned towards me, gave a gentle smile and nodded.

"The story of Pyramus and Thisbe in Book 4 inspired Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet."

Relieved, I picked up the text from the table next to me and handed it to Edward. "Shall we start there?"

Edward's voice was mesmerizing. Hearing it made me realize how little he had spoken in my presence previously. I could listen to him read all day…and we did spend several hours together, translating _Metamorphoses_ and discussing it. Edward was really intelligent….more so than the standard vampire intelligence we all had. He really amazed me. It seemed everything Edward did he did _really_ well.

"I'm so impressed by how much you know about all this," I commented as he finished reading the final pages. "You speak so many languages and have studied so many interesting things!"

He shrugged modestly. "When you have as much time as I do, it's not so difficult."

"But, you seemed to know so much more than the others in the family, apart from Carlisle, and they have had just as much time as you have," I protested.

He shook his head and seemed to choose his words carefully. "That's not entirely true. The others are all _mated_. For almost a century I've been the only single one in the family and _that's_ why I've had time to study."

Edward changed the subject before I could respond.

"Would you like to learn to play piano?" he asked, cheerfully.

"Really? You'd teach me?" I asked. I doubted I would ever be as good as Edward, but it would be fun to try.

"Definitely."

The two of us sat side by side at Edward's grand piano as he taught me the fundamentals of music theory. I didn't think I was unintelligent as a human, but my vampire intelligence seemed to be amplified. Things were generally easy to learn and understand and within an hour, I was reading music and playing the piano. Edward was full of praise and encouragement, which gave me confidence to try more difficult pieces.

From there, we went to Edward's room, which I had never entered, and we continued to talk about music. He played me his favorite albums and listened to several I had never heard before. We talked for hours and hours and hours.

As I'd noticed almost immediately once we were left alone, being with Edward was different from being with the others. Now that my guard was down, I truly enjoyed spending time with him. With the others I eventually needed solace, but I didn't want to leave Edward's side. I found him endlessly interesting. For the next few days we were glued to one another's side.

However, I _did_ worry that he would grow bored with me, and occasionally found excuses to give him a reprieve from me. It never lasted long, though. Either he or I would find the other with an excuse to be together again.

The day before the family was set to return, Edward suggested an outing.

"Let's go to the symphony in Seattle tonight. You've been playing _Tchaikovsky's Fourth Symphony_ and should hear it live with a full orchestra. We can even get dressed up…make Alice proud."

I grinned, knowing that Alice would be annoyed knowing I had been "slumming" it by wearing the same sweat pants all week.

"Sounds fun," I agreed.

Edward beamed with excitement. "It's a date!"

My stomach immediately churned with nervousness. A _date?_ We'd been inseparable all week, but this sounded more _intentional_. I shared Edward's excitement, but it also frightened me a little.

I stood up. "I guess I should go get ready," I mumbled, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Edward stood up with me. "We'll leave around five…is that alright?"

I nodded. "That's fine."

He learned over, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then disappeared, leaving me standing in the family room slightly bewildered.

I was going on a date with _Edward Cullen_?


	19. Chapter 19

As I made my way to the closet I kept my clothes, I began to panic, not having any clue what to wear to the symphony. Rummaging through the hangers, I came across a dress bag with a note pinned to it.

 _For the symphony._

 _Love,_

 _Alice_

How did she know? I'd definitely have to ask her about it when she returned tomorrow, but I was thankful for her help. Slowly, I opened the bag and inside was a knee length plumb colored silk dress. The label said Valentino. I sighed in relief that it was modest and looked comfortable. Some of the outfits Alice wanted me to wear were rather daring and I didn't want to be distracted tonight. There was also a matching coat and black heels to go along with it.

I showered, dressed and then twiddled my thumbs for an hour in the dressing room, waiting to meet Edward. A few minutes before five o'clock, I made my way to the first floor and Edward was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He was wearing slacks, a shirt and jacket, but no tie. He looked devastatingly handsome and I almost forgot to breathe.

Edward greeted me with a smile and extended his arm like a gentleman. His car was waiting in the driveway, and I noted he decided to drive his Aston Martin instead of his usual Volvo. It seemed as though this signified a special occasion. It was well known in the family how much he loved this car. Edward opened the car door for me, which made it feel like a date, but his friendly and casual demeanor made me feel like we were paling around at home.

The drive to Seattle passed rather quickly. We chatted the whole way there and Edward drove very fast. I'd never ridden with him in a car, but I had with other members in the family and it seemed they also all enjoyed speeding.

When we arrived at Benaroya Hall we parked the car in a parking garage underground and Edward held my hand as we took an elevator to the main lobby. It felt very natural to hold his hand. I didn't feel uncomfortable or pressured, and I smiled in response.

The hall was already full of people as we made our way to our seats. Being around so many humans took a moment of adjustment, but it wasn't unbearable.

"I can't read your thoughts…let me know if we need to leave," Edward whispered, handing me a program. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Only if you let _me_ know if _you_ can't handle it," I answered smugly. I'd been on many trips to Seattle with Jasper and never came close to attacking a human. I was firmly in control of my thirst.

Edward laughed softly and cocked his head. "Will do," he responded.

Throughout the evening, I would occasionally glance at Edward. He was clearly enjoying the music and seemed so relaxed and at peace. Of course, he would catch me staring and we would smile at each other, he would squeeze my hand, and I would return my attention to the performance.

When the concert was over, we remained seated for a moment, allowing the crowd to disperse before we left. Instead of talking like we usually did, Edward and I just seemed to only want to shyly smile at each other. When it was safe to leave, I impulsively gave Edward a kiss on the cheek.

"I had a nice time tonight," I told him.

"So did I. Would you like to take a walk along the waterfront?"

I nodded and he smiled again, leading me out of the hall. As we made our way to the exit, I froze in place.

There was a human…who smelled so good venom was almost dripping from my mouth. My throat burned with thirst and my eyes darted around the lobby looking for the owner of the scent.

Edward looked at me with alarm. "Bella…." his voice was full of warning and he gripped my arm. His phone began to ring, but he ignored it. I was delirious with thirst and struggled against him as he told me we should leave immediately.

By the time Edward escorted me out of the building and pushed me into a dark alley, I was snarling. He looked me deeply in the eyes.

"Calm down," he advised. "Don't breathe. "

His voice had a calming effect, but I continued to fight against him. I was so _thirsty_ …I couldn't resist the scent.

"Let me go," I demanded.

"You don't want to hurt that girl, I know you don't. Take a moment and focus. Remember the tips Jasper and Carlisle gave you…"

I closed my eyes, remembering the scent as though the human was standing in front of me, but _did_ try to calm myself back to coherency. I pounded my fist against the building Edward had pinned me up against, crushing its bricks in the process.

"I can't do this," I complained tersely.

"Yes, you can," Edward assured me. "I believe you're stronger than you realize."

I don't know how long Edward held on to me, but as I started to become aware of the feeling of his body pressed against mine I knew I would be okay. I was tempted to savor the moment, but decided it was best to get home as soon as possible.

"I think I can make it to the car," I whispered. "Let's go home, please."

Clinging to Edward, he led me out of the alley and down the street to the parking garage. In the distance there was a group of men and Edward held me even more tightly. As we neared, I looked down at the ground, afraid I would attack, but as we passed them, my face twisted in disgust. The air was suddenly a pungent scent of wet dog. It wasn't human and by no means tempting. With curiosity, I glanced back at the men and saw one staring back at me. His body looked mature, but something in his eyes told me he was young…and he looked strangely familiar. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes, but also a glimmer of confusion.

Edward and I walked as fast as possible without causing attention to ourselves, took the elevator to reach the car and within minutes we were driving out of the city. Edward was still holding my hand, but it wasn't out of affection. He was guarding me..and right to do so. My thoughts whirled and I battled between wanting to stay with Edward and tracking down the human and draining her dry. The memory of her scent overwhelmed me and I rationalized that as a vampire it was my natural instinct to want a human. How could it hurt to kill only _one_ human? I just wanted a taste and then I could return to the family's vegetarian lifestyle…..

"The girl's name was Sarah. She was fifteen. It was her birthday today. Her younger brother saved his allowance to buy a ticket to the symphony for her."

"Why are you telling me this?" I snapped, annoyed.

"It helps to remind ourselves humans are individuals…with a family and a future."

As though something clicked inside my brain, the fog of bloodlust lifted and I began to realize what had just happened. I began to sob realizing how close I had come to killing that girl.

"Your control is amazing, Bella," Edward spoke, trying to comfort me. "I've never seen anything like it."

"What control?" I wailed. "I acted like a monster!"

Edward shook his head. "To have _that_ degree of temptation and yet not act on it is simply amazing."

"You stopped me. If you weren't there, I would have!"

"No, I don't think so. If you wanted to, you could have escaped. I'm proud of you, Bella."

I didn't respond, but continued to sob. I yanked my hand from Edward's, crossed my arms, and closed my eyes as I slumped down in my seat. For the remainder of the ride, we didn't talk and I meditated on how I was a miserable failure.

When we arrived back at home, I was surprised to see Emmett and Rosalie waiting for us.

"You're back from Africa so soon?" I asked, confused.

"We thought it best to come back early," Rosalie greeted me with a hug and then looked at me closely. "Are you alright?"

I avoided her gaze, ashamed and not wanting to talk about what had happened.

"I'm fine," I told her, but not very convincingly. She eyed Edward suspiciously, as though he was the one to blame for my mood.

Wanting to assure Rosalie that he was _not_ the cause of my devastation, I turned to give Edward a hug in front of her and Emmett.

"Thanks for tonight," I said, for once wishing he could hear my thoughts. _Thanks for keeping me from murdering an innocent girl._

Edward sighed, clearly distressed, but hugged me back tightly. "Bella…."

"I'll talk to you all tomorrow…I need some time alone," I announced stepping away from Edward, and then disappeared inside the house.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Sorry it's taken a week to post the next chapter. Someone left a review of another story that shook my confidence, but then I was reminded this is all for fun. I'm not a perfect writer, but I love these characters. Plus, you are all awesome. I love each and every review. Hearing from you brightens my day!

Special thanks to my new beta **JordynnEm** who has been an awesome help with this chapter!

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 **EPOV**

My Bella, my love, my life….was driving me crazy.

My family found great amusement in the fact that Bella was choosing to ignore me. After all, I'd disappeared for a year and made them worry. So, it seemed fitting that for almost another year _I_ was the one who should worry.

Was I the only vampire in existence who had mated with someone who didn't feel the bond? If that was my punishment, I would take it. Bella was my world now…my entire reason for being. I would endure anything to be near her.

Bella allowed me to be close, but clearly only tolerating me because she loved the family. It made me happy to see how naturally she had become Carlisle and Esme's daughter. They adored her and enjoyed spending time with her as much as she seemed to enjoy them.

Everyone in the family knew Bella was my mate, except for Bella. I was constantly reading the thoughts of others to gain information about her, observe her, appreciate her beauty. Going to school was torture, but Carlisle insisted it was the best thing for Bella to keep to our normal routine. Those were the worst hours of the day; not being near her, not being able to protect her from danger. I knew she was never alone, but I wanted to be the one who would defend her if need be.

Jasper and Bella's trips to Seattle infuriated me. Not only was Jasper placing Bella in danger by exposing her to humans or nomads, he was the one who was the recipient of her smiles and conversation. I was jealous. Even though I knew Jasper viewed Bella purely as a sister; their special times together put me in the most foul of moods. Oddly, Bella always returned from Seattle in a good mood. Jasper would remember moments from the day, but seeing Bella so happy with _him_ just made me more angry. It was childish and Jasper would silently tell me to grow up. Because of my bad attitude Jasper began to guard his thoughts around me, not willing to reveal to me what emotions he was detecting in Bella. Alice was more compassionate, reminding me that I should keep hope alive, that all would turn out well.

By the springtime, my family's amusement was turning to pity. It had taken years for Rosalie to accept me as her brother, but even Rosalie would occasionally _talk_ to me. Not Bella though. Bella was stubborn. Even if she felt something for me, I doubted she would admit it. Her grudge seemed to be deep and her indifferent attitude towards me had not changed in the slightest.

Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice all began to encourage me to talk to Bella. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I was often tongue tied in her presence. I lived for a glance from her, but on the rare chances she _did_ look at me expectantly, I didn't know what to say. My guilt for changing her was still heavy and I felt like I deserved whatever goodwill she wanted to give me. If none, I had to accept it. I wasn't worthy of her.

One evening when Bella was hunting with Esme and Alice Jasper approached Carlisle in his study. They were discussing our future plans and Bella was mentioned. Jasper revealed something that he had been hiding from me – how Bella was feeling.

"Bella is happy with the family, but she's uncomfortable in Forks. I think she feels the tension of embracing her new life with us, while being only miles away from her father. "

Carlisle nodded his head in understanding. "Then we should proceed with moving this summer. Have you talked to Jenks about the paperwork?"

"What if the tension she feels is not Forks, but _me_?" I lamented. "You can't read her mind...and she clearly hates me."

Jasper refrained from rolling his eyes and made an effort at patience. He calmly shook his head.

"When you're near, she relaxes," Jasper confessed. "Whenever you're away, at school or hunting or wherever, she feels this level of anxiety that doesn't go away until you reappear."

I looked at Jasper in disbelief. "Really?"

" _Really."_ He recalled a few memories as examples and I was shocked. How had I missed that?

When the ladies returned from hunting and Alice's mind was filled with reciting the American National Anthem in Arabic, I knew something was up. Our family didn't keep secrets, at least not for long. Within a few hours, my parents announced their trip and how they were taking Alice and Jasper with them.

Bella was not happy. I can't deny it hurt my feelings that she seemed so repulsed at the thought of spending time with me. But, what happened over the course of the next week was astonishing and amazing.

We began to talk, laugh together. Bella unexpectedly confessed she felt the connection between us, although she didn't call me her mate. She wanted to be _friends_...and that was not enough for me, but at least it was something. And she realized before I did that Alice, and probably the others, too, orchestrated this time alone between us. It was a push in the right direction for us, but I was embarrassed. I didn't want Bella to think I had manipulated anyone to be alone with her.

Bella blindsided me when she admitted that she felt the connection between us. She acknowledge it and apologized for treating me so poorly. It was a miracle. I never expected her to be so forthcoming. I began to feel more confident and more bold. It was difficult for me to refrain from showering her with affection. I rationalized my actions - friends would hold hands, right? Friends would give each other a kiss on the cheek, right? Friends would share how they were feeling...

But, Bella wasn't ready. And yet she was? She kissed me! _She_ kissed _me_ and I'd never needed more control than at that moment. I wanted to take her in my arms and make love to her for hours. A flame of desire for her was ignited in me and it would never go out.

Again, Bella pushed me away and I thought my world was going to collapse. I had to excuse myself...I couldn't allow her to see me so destroyed. Alice called. She told me to not give up. She reminded me of the vision she'd had of Bella and I together, on our wedding day, and it gave me comfort, although I was afraid to hope. Then, Alice screamed and said Bella disappeared.

But, she was alive and well, in her attic reading nook. Alice's visions weren't always perfect and made me doubt her vision of Bella and I together.

Although Bella was sending mixed signals, push, pull, I was her slave. Her wish was my command and she wanted me to stay with her, so I did. The following days were pure bliss. Bella seemed to open her heart to me and felt completely relaxed in my presence. She constantly kept me guessing, but I didn't feel the slightest hint of rejection from her.

Knowing the family was about to return, I had to capitalize upon my time alone with Bella. I had to make an impression...impress her, dazzle her, do something to try to win her completely. When she agreed to go to the symphony with me, my stomach was filled with excitement and nervousness at all once. Immediately, I went to make arrangements and then stared at the clock as the minutes passed by until it was time for our date.

I honestly forgot to breathe when Bella came down the stairs. _She_ was the one who dazzled _me_. My love, my life. After a century of loneliness, I didn't know I could be this happy. I'd observed this kind of love amongst my brothers and sisters with their mates, but never imagined I'd experience it for myself. Now that I was...it was indescribable.

Things couldn't have been more perfect. Bella allowed me to hold her hand and she snuggled close to me during the concert. She seemed happy, too, and that meant more to me than my own happiness. Then...Bella snapped.

Not being able to read Bella's mind was a disadvantage. I didn't see it coming, but when her eyes turned black and I saw her face contort, I knew she was being tempted to a level vampires rarely were exposed. It had happened to Emmett once and he killed the woman immediately. Even for myself, with Bella...

To my amazement, Bella was in control of herself. Not full control, but she was able to leave the building. I knew she would never forgive herself if she killed the girl. It was easy to figure out who Bella wanted...she wouldn't take her eyes off the girl. But, Bella did allow me to guide her into an alleyway to calm down. My love was in distress and I would do whatever I could do to protect her...even from herself.

As we were walking to the parking garage, I immediately picked up their scent and their thoughts. The Quileutes were in Seattle...coming from dinner at a restaurant on the waterfront. It was a birthday celebration and they were in good spirits. Since it was impossible to avoid them, I decided we should face them head on and prayed that Bella wouldn't attack. She'd never encountered their kind and I didn't know how her instincts would react. Thankfully, she was repelled and seemed only slightly curious...more frantic to get to the car and out of the city than chase after them. Of course, the Quileutes immediately recognized me and were on guard. They eyed us suspiciously, full of hate and disgust, but the leader had already given them orders to not attack me and Bella.

On the ride home, Bella was inconsolable. I wanted to relieve her pain, but I also understood this was part of being a vampire in our family. She was acknowledging the monster within her, the monster that I had changed her into being. I had made her this way...and was selfish enough to be thankful for it so we could be together.

When we arrived back at home, we were both surprised to see Emmett and Rosalie waiting for us, although I shouldn't have been. Rosalie was the first person to recognize I loved Bella, but she wasn't necessarily happy about it. She didn't think I deserved Bella and thought I was perhaps confused or acting out of guilt. The tension between was part of the reason Emmett and Rosalie had stayed in Africa for so long.

" _What did you do to her?"_ Rosalie demanded silently as she embraced Bella.

As if she heard Rosalie's thoughts, Bella gave me a hug. This sign of affection meant something; although with Bella's spirit so distressed, it was clearly not romantic.

"I'll talk to you all tomorrow…I need some time alone," Bella announced stepping away and disappearing inside the house.

Emmett, Rosalie and I remained on the porch, the two of them confused, and me full of worry and guilt.


	21. Chapter 21

**EPOV**

Rosalie and Emmett looked at me curiously and I nodded towards the woods. We needed to talk in private, away from Bella's vampiric super hearing. She had done nothing to be ashamed of but I didn't want her to feel embarrassed, either.

When we were a safe distance from the house, Rosalie began the inquiry.

"What happened? Where did you and Bella go?"

I explained about our evening at the symphony and Bella's temptation. I didn't share about how our relationship had progressed. Emmett was full of compassion, while Rosalie blamed me.

"You shouldn't have put her in that position," Rosalie ranted. "A crowded concert hall? Really, Edward, how dangerous could you be?"

Emmett rubbed Rosalie's shoulders. "Rose, it's not Edward's fault. You know how hard it was for me when I was tempted like Bella was….she's a badass for showing that kind of control.."

"What happened to you was an accident," Rosalie protested. "Edward put Bella directly in harms way because of his weird obsession with her."

"Not true," Emmett replied, kissing her cheek. "And Edward is obsessed with Bella the way I am obsessed with you…they're mates just like we are."

He kissed his wife's cheek and Rosalie was immediately distracted by her attraction to her husband.

 _"Sorry, Edward,"_ Emmett apologized to me silently, as the two were kissing. _"Rosalie just feels protective of Bella, that's all."_

His mind quickly flashed to memories of Bella looking withdrawn and unhappy, and Rosalie comforting her, then moved to full concentration on his wife. I knew it was time for me to give the couple privacy.

Emmett and Rosalie were the most physical couple in the family. The other couples felt the same intense attraction and desire but were more subtle about how it was expressed. Although they had never stated it outright, I knew Emmett and Rosalie were a bit of exhibitionists. They liked the attention.

As their thoughts were consumed with one another, I ran back to the house, trying to block their activity from my thoughts. Bella's scent led me to the attic and I peeked inside to make sure she was alright. She had curled herself into a ball, much like she did when Alice called to tell me Bella had disappeared.

Bella kept her eyes closed, although I knew she detected my presence and I took that as a sign she didn't want me to bother her. However, I couldn't leave, so I sat on the floor, by the edge of the stairs, watching her.

 **BPOV**

I felt better knowing Edward was close by, but I was glad he wasn't trying to talk to me. I was overwhelmed with shame and horror. With all my trips to Seattle I had become overconfident, thinking that I was above temptation. How silly I had been. I was a vampire. I wanted human blood. I would always want human blood. The family had protected me from my true nature, which I appreciated, but they couldn't protect me forever. It was inevitable that I would fail at some point and the very thought of that paralyzed me. Carlisle and Rosalie were the only ones in the family who had never yielded, but everyone else had tasted human blood. Even sweet Esme wasn't strong enough to resist. How was _I_ ever going to make it?

At some point I heard Edward leave and I knew that meant the rest of the family had returned from their trip. Within a few minutes, I heard their voices as they entered the house. The conversation was cheerful as Alice described the Buffalo area.

"We were thinking that Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and Bella could go ahead of us and begin renovating the house we bought," Alice shared.

"Sounds good," Emmett agreed. "We always have fun on our construction projects, don't we Esme?"

Esme laughed. "That we do."

"I want to design a larger garage," Rosalie commented, seeming to think out loud. "Maybe underground this time…"

Curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know what Edward was thinking, but he wasn't saying anything. As casually as I could, I joined the family in the living room.

"Bella!" Alice greeted me with enthusiasm. "Did you hear our plans? What do you think?"

I glanced at Edward, who was sitting rather rigidly, but his face was expressionless. He was looking out the window and seemed oblivious to the conversation.

Time passed quickly for our kind, but after spending a week alone with Edward, I now couldn't imagine spending a few months away from him. As much as my actions the night before made me feel sick, the thought of being separated from Edward made me feel much worse.

But, I didn't want _Edward_ to know that.

"Sounds good," I reluctantly agreed, echoing Emmett's expression.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Bella, you're finishing your studies with Carlisle and me…plus, there is still some training to do. Would you consider staying?"

I breathed a silent sigh of relief. I had an excuse to stay! Slowly, I nodded.

"You're right, Jasper. As much as I want to go, I want to stay."

Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at Edward for his response.

He was smiling.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: A reader asked for a summary, so here it is!

 **On the day Bella moved to Forks, her plane crashed. Jasper and Alice rescued her, but she was not out of danger. Edward changed her life forever by transforming her into a vampire. He disappeared, leaving Bella alone with the family to make the difficult adjustment to her new life. A year later, Edward returns home with plans to end his existence. Instead, he discovers Bella is alive. He thought he had killed her and is amazed she survived. Edward knows Bella is his mate and expects her to acknowledge their connection, too. But, she doesn't. Bella chooses to ignore Edward and pretend he doesn't exist. It isn't until Alice and the family intervenes, giving Edward and Bella time alone, that there is reconciliation between the couple. As they begin to enter into a friendship, with Edward desperately hoping Bella will open her heart to him, they will face a few obstacles.**

* * *

Life returned to normal, but a guilty conscious loomed over me. I knew it was only a matter of time before I murdered a human and inwardly I was preparing myself for it. Of course, I desperately hoped it would _not_ happen. As often as I could, I hunted and when Jasper suggested trips to Seattle I always made an excuse. I didn't trust myself to be exposed to temptation. Our home was my refuge and I didn't stray far from the boundaries of the estate.

Esme, Rosalie and Emmett had almost immediately departed for Buffalo. Carlisle continued working at the hospital, but elected to work twelve-hour shifts so that he could take long weekends to see Esme. Every Thursday evening he would fly to Buffalo and Tuesday morning he would return to Forks. I was thankful Jasper had given me an excuse to stay. He undoubtedly felt my reluctance. It was almost amusing. For so long I was intentionally ignoring Edward and didn't want to be anywhere near him. I tolerated him for the family's sake. And yet, after one week alone with Edward, I suddenly didn't want to live with out him.

It scared me. Scared me more than the idea of murdering a human. The feeling was intense and I tried not to think about it. Being near him was enough for now. Maybe one day it would all make sense. I chose not to think about it

Alice and Jasper were spending a lot of time alone together, so by default I often found myself alone with Edward. The heaviness of my guilt made me more distant with him than when we had spent the week together, but we were entering into a cautious friendship.

The evenings were spent either playing piano together or reading quietly in the attic. When Edward was at school, I missed him. Carlisle assigned a lot of homework that kept me busy and Jasper usually spent a couple hours training me to fight. I enjoyed both of those activities, but when it was time for school to be over, I would sit on the front porch and anxiously await Edward's arrival. When I heard the sound of a car in the driveway, I would run inside to the living room and pretend to be studying.

Jasper and Alice would usually give me knowing smirks and then disappear for the rest of the day. Edward greeted me with the same smile of relief that he always did and now I was starting to smile back.

The remaining weeks of the school year passed by quickly. At the end of May, Edward and Alice had a day off from school for Memorial Day.

"Let's go shopping!" Alice exclaimed, excitedly, grabbing my hands.

I untangled myself from her grasp. "Uh, I don't think so…."

Alice frowned. "Bella, you can't hide at home forever. We're moving to New York in a month. You need to put yourself out there."

"You make it sound as if I need a date," I snickered.

She smiled mischievously. "Are you thinking you'd rather go alone to Seattle with Edward instead of with me? I would understand."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not ready."

My statement had a double meaning. I wasn't ready to be exposed to humans and I wasn't ready to talk about my relationship with Edward.

"Yes, you are!" Alice gave me a smile of encouragement. "I've scanned the future and I don't see any problems."

As the rest of the family, I had grown to trust Alice completely when it came to matters of "temptation." This is a way she protected the family….from others…and from ourselves.

I sighed and her smile grew brighter.

"Yay!" she clapped with delight, knowing I had decided to go. "We'll have so much fun!"

Jasper and Edward were both excited to hear that I agreed to go and I wondered if their enthusiasm was less about Seattle and more about me breaking my spell of isolation.

Alice and Jasper claimed the backseat of Edward's Volvo before I even left the house, leaving me to sit next to Edward in the front. I didn't mind, of course, but as I looked over my shoulder and saw Alice and Jasper cuddling, it suddenly felt like a double date. I didn't know how I felt about that.

The drive to Seattle went by quickly. Emmett was the jokester in the family, but Jasper was really good at telling stories. He kept us entertained, sharing some funny stories from his days of living with Charlotte and Peter. I was sure Edward and Alice had heard them before, but they laughed along with me.

Alice was being honest when she said we were going to Seattle to shop. She directed Edward to go to The Shops of Bravern. It was in Bellevue, a neighborhood Jasper and I had visited several times, but we hadn't entered the high end shops. As soon as we parked, Alice linked her arm with mine and led me towards Neiman Marcus.

I was fully aware of the humans around us. The burning in my throat flared and I became nervous. I gripped Alice's arm and she gave me a sympathetic look.

"It's not like shopping in New York, Milan or Paris, " she explained apologetically, trying to distract me. "but it will have to do."

As we entered the store, I eyed the humans who seemed to be gawking at us.

"Is there anything you're looking for in particular?" I asked, trying to sound normal.

Jasper and Edward were walking behind us and both men stifled their laughter. Alice looked over her shoulder and glared at them.

"Yes," she replied, rather forcefully. "A dress for _graduation_."

I knew Alice liked to shop and her passion for it was amusing to the family, but I had never witnessed it. And, really, it was rather remarkable. She was focused as she scoured the racks, examined cut, color, stitching, and treated shopping almost like a science. Jasper dutifully walked behind her, carrying whatever she needed or offering his opinion when asked. And Alice wasn't only shopping for herself, either. She picked out different outfits for all of us to try on and model for her.

I was so fascinated seeing Alice in her element that I wasn't overcome with worry I would spontaneously attack the humans around us. As we wandered from shop to shop, I grew more confident. I was well fed. I wasn't thirsty. I was in public and totally under control.

As we walked back to the parking garage, Jasper and Edward carrying our bags, I glanced at Alice.

"Did you plan this?" I asked.

"Darling, I plan everything."

"I mean, did you know how I would react?"

She smiled. "Not exactly. I knew you wouldn't attack anyone, but I also suspected it was what you needed. We've all experienced what you did and it's a frightening thing. You can't let it paralyze you, though. You're stronger than you think."

I returned the smile.

"Edward said the same thing," I replied, glancing at Edward, who was putting the bags in the trunk.

Alice raised her eyebrows, smirked, and then gave me a wink.

"Would you ladies like to take a stroll by the waterfront downtown?" Jasper asked, shutting the trunk.

Alice jumped into his arms, kissing him fully on the lips. I turned away to give them privacy and saw Edward looking at me curiously.

His gaze made me feel flustered, so I quickly got in the car.

The drive downtown didn't take very long and Edward parked on the street, instead of in a garage. Night had fallen and the streets weren't very busy since businesses were closed for the evening and it was a holiday.

The four of us walked in silence to Pier 54 then continued to walk north until we reached Elliot Bay. Jasper and Alice held hands and their affection for one another made me smile. The couple was so obviously in love. I couldn't resist glancing at Edward who was walking next to me. There was space between us, while Jasper and Alice's bodies were touching. The contrast made me laugh and Edward looked at me once again with curiosity.

"I wish I could read your mind," he whispered, grinning at me.

I smiled back, but didn't respond.

Suddenly, Edward's face twitched with alarm and he reached out and took my hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

His face smoothed back to one of calm. He shook his head. "Nothing."

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Then, why are you holding my hand so tightly?"

Edward let go of my hand and instead put his arm around my shoulders, holding me more closely to him.

"Is this better?" he whispered in my ear.

Warmth flooded my body at the nearness of his touch and I almost trembled with desire. Alice glanced back at us and although I expected her to give the usual smirk she gave whenever she saw Edward and I together, the expression on her face was serious.

"We should go home," she told us.

Alice looked at Jasper and although they didn't speak, something was communicated that Jasper seemed to understand perfectly. He nodded.

"Let's go…. _now_."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for your reviews and comments! They mean so much to me. Thanks for reading!

* * *

Edward kept his arm wrapped around me as we walked back to the car and I soon realized it was more protective than affectionate. We were walking quickly, but still at a human pace.

"Something is wrong," I stated. "What's happening?"

Alice glanced at me. "Nomads are in the area. It's better if we don't meet."

Edward tightened his grip and my worry increased.

"They're dangerous?" I asked.

Jasper smiled. "We're vampires. We're _all_ dangerous," he winked. "No need to worry, we're just being cautious."

I had never met a vampire that didn't observe our family's vegetarian lifestyle. Carlisle had educated me on the history of our kind. I knew that the majority of vampires tended to constantly travel because of their diet. But, I never got the impression we should be afraid of them.

Noticing that I was still curious, Jasper gave more explanation.

"Sometimes nomads feel threatened if other vampires are in what they feel to be their 'territory'. They like to fight over their food."

Jasper had told me about the wars he fought in the South. There were scars all over his body to prove it. I knew he wasn't afraid of conflict, but preferred peace. I had no desire to fight, even though I'd spent the last year being trained by Jasper. I hoped I never had to use my new skills.

"They caught our scent," Alice told us calmly.

Edward tightened his grip on me, but there was an indifferent look on his face. It was as though it was a common occurrence for him to have to meet nomads.

"There they are," Jasper spoke quietly, nodding at a man and woman standing on the street corner, seeming to wait for us.

As we approached, I noticed Edward, Jasper and Alice had confident, but casual body language. Meanwhile, I felt my stomach tighten and my protective instincts sharpen. The vampires in front of us did not look worried, despite the fact that any fight would be four against two.

The couple was dressed simply, but their clothes were slightly tattered. Their eyes were black and confusion flickered across their faces when their eyes met ours. A chill went down my spine. They were vampires just like I was, but obviously so very different.

"Good evening," Jasper gave a polite greeting.

"We were here first," the man snarled. "The city is ours."

"Our family maintains a permanent residence in this region," Jasper stated. "If you are not discrete, we will inform the Volturi of your activities. Understand?"

The man laughed and the woman smiled. "We will do what we want to do. You have no idea who we are...and you couldn't find us again even if you tried."

"Your name is James," Edward immediately replied and the man frowned. "Your mate's name is Victoria."

"How did you...?" the woman stuttered, looking at the man.

"And you have plans to meet Laurent at a warehouse later tonight," Alice added, a glint of defiance in her eyes.

The nomads were visibly shaken, but tried to cover their alarm. I was impressed. In less than thirty seconds, my family had thoroughly intimidated the pair.

James growled out of defensiveness, but Victoria put her hand on his arm and pulled him into the shadows of a nearby alley where they disappeared into the night.

Jasper winked at Alice and she smiled. Even Edward broke his mask of indifference with a grin and we all continued walking to the car.

"Will they follow us?" I asked, after we were several blocks away.

Edward shook his head. "No. Their thoughts are too focused on their thirst."

"Unfortunately, they will be hunting the rest of the evening," Alice added, with sadness. While we all understood our nature as vampires, none us were happy about humans having to die because of it.

When we reached the car, Edward open the passenger door for me, like a gentleman, and kissed my cheek. It surprised me, but I was thrilled to receive such a gesture of affection. He hadn't kissed me since the night I confessed I felt the connection between us.

As we drove home, Edward continued to hold my hand, occasionally massaging my palm with his thumb. There were some rather intense emotions radiating from the backseat and Jasper wasn't doing a very good job of containing it. By the time we reached the family estate, I was feeling a bit hot and bothered myself.

Jasper and Alice immediately ran hand in hand into the house and I wanted to give them privacy, so I lingered outside contemplating what to do. I desperately wanted to spend time alone with Edward, but felt too shy to suggest it. Hoping that he would follow me, I ran into the forest, a safe distance from the house where I couldn't hear Jasper and Alice being intimate.

"You know I'll follow you anywhere, right?" Edward asked gently, as he joined me.

I smiled bashfully and he took a step forward, offering his hand. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

I nodded as he took my hand into his and we began to run through the forest. Soon we approached a clearing in the woods, a meadow. The moon was full and bright and it lit up the area.

"This is a special place I come to when I want to be alone. It's far enough away from humans and the family that I can actually have a little peace and quiet."

"It's lovely," I whispered.

"I've wanted to share this place with you for awhile, but the timing never seemed to be right."

"Do you come here often?" I asked, mentally calculating how many times Edward and I had been apart. It wasn't much.

He shook his head. "Not since I met you."

"Oh." I didn't know if I should apologize or not for depriving him from the opportunity to be alone. I couldn't imagine the burden he carried having to hear _everyone's_ thoughts _all_ the time.

Edward was still holding my hand and raised it to his lips and gave it a kiss.

"You're my world, Bella. Wherever you are is where I want to be."

Nervous butterflies filled my stomach. Although I was no longer under the influence of Jasper's romantic mood, I felt a desire for Edward that was overwhelming. For once, I didn't flee or push him away. Instead, I wrapped my arms around Edward and hugged him tightly.

It was difficult to describe what had been happening between me and Edward over the last several weeks. In the most basic sense, he had become the most important person in my life. When I was with him, I was happy. He made me feel safe. Edward was _my_ world, too.

"Are you alright?" he asked, kissing my forehead. "Don't be frightened by the nomads. They're no threat against our family."

I sighed. "I'm fine. I just wanted to be alone with you."

Edward replied with a sigh of his own and held me closer. I looked up and saw that his eyes were closed and he was smiling. The moonlight shimmered on his devastatingly handsome face and I couldn't resist pressing my lips against his.

Edward's eyes remained closed, but he cupped my cheeks with his hands and kissed me back. His hands then moved slowly down my body, tracing my curves, then wrapped around my waist. Gently, he kissed me again and I trembled with desire. With kisses that lingered, his lips moved from my mouth, to my jaw, to my neck until he whispered words in my ear that I did not expect.

"Bella, I _love_ you."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** I am a huge fan of canon, but as I write AU, it's a challenge to know what canon elements to include and what not to include. What characteristics in our canon characters should be emphasized and what should be downplayed? It's fun to explore these characters in new situations while still trying to stay true to who they are.

Also, sorry I haven't been responding to reviews, but from this chapter on I will definitely be better. I love your feedback and hearing from all of you! :)

Thanks to **JordynnEm** for her help with this chapter!

* * *

I closed my eyes, unsure that I had heard him correctly. Edward repeated those three words once again.

"I love you."

Was this what was happening between us? _Love_?

Connection because his venom was in my veins, I understood. Companionship since we were the odd people out in a family of three perfectly matched sets of couples, yes. And undoubtedly it made sense I was attracted to him because Edward was breathtakingly handsome and alluring in every way. But…. _love_? Edward loved me?

Even though I felt rattled to my core, I mustered the courage to turn my head and gaze directly into Edward's eyes. What I saw amazed me. There _was_ love in his eyes. He looked at me like I was the only woman in the world - with tenderness, desire, and even a hint of vulnerability.

Edward's declaration didn't overwhelm me, surprisingly. There was nowhere else I wanted to be at this very moment than in his arms. But, I wasn't very skilled in expressing how I felt. Though my human life was now a blur, I knew I had lived a rather solitary life. And now, even though I had a wonderful family, I still preferred to keep my feelings to myself.

What I felt for Edward was difficult to put into words. I wasn't sure if it was love, but I knew it was something deep and meaningful. He stared at me expectantly and I knew he was awaiting my response. I didn't know what to say, so I kissed him.

The few kisses we had shared had been passionate, but suddenly a new level of desire was unleashed. I ran my fingers through his hair and his hands caressed my lower back. He pulled me closer to his body and I felt electrified by his touch.

As my lips parted slightly, Edward's tongue gently began to explore my mouth. The kiss grew deeper and I moaned with pleasure. I couldn't remember ever being kissed this way before and even if I had, I knew what was happening between Edward and I was special.

The passion of our kisses increased and I lost myself in the moment. There was desire within me that I didn't know was possible. Instinctively, my hands wandered down to Edward's hips. As I slid my hands into his pants, they were intercepted by Edward pulling me down and pining my hands to the ground. It seemed to be a show of dominance that only increase my desire for him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and thrust myself against him.

Edward moaned and stopped kissing me. Unpinning my arms, he rolled over, bringing me with him and cradled me in his arms. With my head against his chest, I could hear his breathing begin to calm.

I didn't understand why the mood shifted so dramatically. Edward was holding me tightly, so it didn't seem like he was displeased with me. But, I knew he had put a quick stop to whatever it was we were doing.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

Edward kissed my forehead. "No, everything is perfect."

'Then why did you…stop?"

He sighed and rolled on his side, so that we were facing one another, then brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"I want our first time together to be special," Edward explained, almost shyly. "As much as I want you, as long as I've waited for this….you deserve more."

 _Our first time_. Was I so naïve that I didn't realize we were on the verge of having sex? I lowered my eyes in embarrassment. Being with Edward, in this way, felt so natural, so instinctual. When I had let myself go, I had really let myself go. I knew exactly what I was doing and yet, I didn't at all.

Part of me was thankful that Edward was being a gentleman, but another part of me felt a bit rejected. My desire for Edward was overwhelming and I wanted to explore that desire. But here he was, stopping me from doing so.

I sat upright. "Okay," I replied.

There was concern in Edward's eyes and he sat up and pulled me into his arms. I didn't resist.

"Please don't be upset," he begged. "You have no idea how close I just came to ripping off your clothes. I would love to ravish you right here, right now, but after all that's happened between us, I didn't want to…."

I put my hand up to Edward's lips to silence him. "It's fine, really. I understand."

My assurance wasn't entirely true. I didn't completely understand why Edward was halting us from going further physically if it was what we both wanted. I didn't deserve _more_ ….Edward was all I wanted and it seemed like I had him. Almost. What else could there be?

I felt confused and there was an awkward tension in the air. I stood up.

"I'm ready to go home," I announced abruptly.

Edward looked up at me with a worried look on his face. "Will you stay with me awhile longer?" he asked. "The silence is really lovely."

I couldn't refuse him, of course. I nodded and sat back on the ground. Edward opened his arms and I snuggled close to him as he laid back and we stared at the stars.

When daylight broke, we returned home. I followed Edward to his room, as he changed into a set of new clothes. Always the gentleman, he closed his closet door to be discrete, but within five seconds returned.

We sat on his sofa, holding hands and staring into one another's eyes. My demeanor was subdued. I didn't normally like it when Edward had to leave for school, but on this morning I was utterly heartsick over it. I tried hard to not let my emotions show, but I didn't want him to leave me. I even considered asking him to stay home, but I knew that was selfish. He would only be gone a few hours, anyway. I could wait.

"Walk me downstairs?" Edward asked, after his eyes flickered in recognition. Undoubtedly, Alice was communicating through her thoughts that it was time for school.

Holding hands, we walked down the stairs, but couldn't take our eyes off each other. Alice and Jasper were outside, talking so quietly I couldn't hear them. As I turned to give Edward a hug goodbye, Jasper called out to me.

"Bella, I'm driving Alice and Edward to school today. Want to come along for the ride?"

Edward raised his eyebrows, but to my surprise didn't say protest.

"Is it safe for me to be seen in Forks?" I asked. Although I'd been to Seattle several times over the last year, I hadn't returned to Forks since the night Alice and I went to Charlie's house.

"I see no problems," Alice answered. "The windows are tinted, no one will see you."

I glanced at Edward once again, almost for his approval. He simply smiled.

"In that case, sure," I replied.

Jasper drove and Alice sat beside him in the passenger seat. As I sat with Edward in the back, I had to gently make space between us since he was attempted to pull me to sit in his lap. I wrinkled my brow in embarrassment and then glanced at Jasper and Alice, then back at Edward. With their special abilities I knew Jasper and Alice could feel and see what was happening between me and Edward, but I still felt rather shy about public displays of affection.

"Why are you driving them to school?" I asked Jasper, trying to distract myself from the nearness of Edward. We were holding hands, but discretely.

"The high school is paving the parking lot today. They asked all students to either walk or have someone drop them off."

Alice turned around in her seat. "And I'm _not_ walking home in these Manolo Blahniks."

Her serious tone made me smile since they were only one pair of shoes and she had literally thousands in her closet.

As we approached the school, there was a construction crew already at work paving the lot. Traffic was jammed from the unexpected activity. Teachers and students were streaming down the street, some parking blocks away, while others were being dropped off. When I saw the blue lights flash on a police car, and an officer step out, I froze.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't know," Alice apologized, recognizing the awkwardness.

"It's not your father," Edward spoke quietly, squeezing my hand. "It's just a deputy here to direct traffic."

I began to relax, knowing Jasper was helping ease my anxiety, and nodded.

At the drop off point, Alice gave Jasper a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye. To my surprise, Edward pulled me outside of the car.

I was more than slightly nervous being out in the open, in public, in Forks. Edward wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll miss you every second of every hour," he whispered in my ear. Then, he leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not jump up and wrap my legs around him.

The car behind honked, snapping me back to reality. Edward gave me another hug, then elegantly began to walk down the path leading to the school entrance. I scrambled to get inside the car, sitting beside Jasper in the passenger's seat.

He began to drive, but under his breath I heard the faint sound of laughter.

"What are you laughing about?" I asked, curious.

Jasper smiled.

"There are no secrets in our family. Why don't you tell me about you and Edward?"


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Largest chapter I've written so far! This chapter is dedicated to **DutchGirl01** because she's awesome. Thanks for your reviews and feedback. Keep them coming!

* * *

 **EPOV**

To say that I felt _protective_ of Bella was an understatement.

The moment I saw her, when she was a human and lying on the sofa in our living room, I knew my life would never be the same. It really wasn't more complicated than that. Instantly, I knew. Bella was mine.

Believing that she was dead had almost destroyed me. When I returned after a year away and realized my stupidity for thinking she was dead, the fear of losing her didn't go away. In fact, it only increased. Bella was my world, my everything, my sole reason for existing. I couldn't live without her.

I wanted to take care of Bella, cherish and love her forever. She was perfect and precious. If anyone tried to harm her, I would kill them. Plain and simple. There was nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe.

The anxiety that I felt when I was at school was overwhelming. Alice would assure me Bella was fine, in her mind showing me flashes of her future, but it wouldn't satisfy me. The only relief I found was when I rushed home and was able to see Bella with my own two eyes. The days when she left Forks and went to Seattle with Jasper drove me crazy. Bella didn't know it, but on a few occasions I followed them. I skipped school, drove to Seattle, and watched her from afar. Being separated from Bella was never, ever easy.

After our night at the symphony in Seattle, I was terrified Bella would withdraw and stop talking to me again. Thankfully, she didn't, yet it was obvious she was deeply shaken. There were no more trips to Seattle, which I had to admit selfishly made me happy. We spent almost all our time together, which also made me deliriously happy, but Bella didn't speak much. She seemed to be preoccupied with her thoughts most of the time. I didn't know how to help and it drove me crazy. A few times I tried to talk to her about the incident, but she would stiffen and politely decline a conversation on the subject.

Bella and I were becoming friends and the high point of every day was when she smiled at me when I returned home from school. I seriously considered dropping out and discussed the possibility with Carlisle. In the end I decided I didn't want to risk Bella being overwhelmed by me. She seemed to enjoy my company, but her thoughts and feelings about me were a mystery. Jasper guarded his thoughts when Bella and I were with him. When I asked him for insight, he told me that he didn't want to betray Bella's privacy. I was on my own when it came to figuring out how she felt about me. I respected Jasper for it, but it was a bit frustrating.

At the end of May, Alice began to get visions of Jasper, Bella and I spending a day in Seattle. It was confirmed when Bella said yes to the trip. I suspected she was afraid of returning and I was proud of her for being willing to try again.

It was a lovely day. After a few hours of being in town, Bella's confidence about being in public was obvious. She was talkative and full of smiles. I was so happy to her relaxed and having fun. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

As the evening came to a close and we were walking along the waterfront, Alice had a vision. Nomads were in the area, nearby. If we came into contact with them, there was a possibility of a fight.

Even though my body yearned to touch Bella, I had been a gentleman the entire day, giving her space. Jasper and Alice had been unusually affectionate and their thoughts and emotions only increased my longing for Bella. But, upon threat of danger, my instinct was to touch her and I could not deny it. I immediately held her hand.

Not wanting to cause her to worry, I tried to appear as nothing was wrong. Bella was clever, though, and she seemed to know my expressions and moods better than I knew myself sometimes. Since I couldn't hide it, I indulged myself, hoping she wouldn't push me away. I pulled her in my arms.

To my surprise, I felt her body respond to my touch. She trembled and there was a spark of electricity between us. Bella didn't push me away, but allowed me to envelop her. Touching her calmed me, but only slightly. I had to get Bella to safety. No one would hurt her in any way and if they tried, I would kill them.

" _It doesn't have to resort to violence,"_ Alice spoke to me directly with her thoughts, apparently seeing a real possibility I would be fighting soon. _"Stay calm and let Jasper speak for us."_

I wasn't worried. We didn't encounter nomads often, but I knew they were no match for my family. With the combination of our gifts, Jasper, Alice and I we weren't easily challenged. And although I didn't want Bella to have to lift a finger, I knew she could defend herself well. With Jasper's training, she was a very skilled fighter herself. But, I would do everything I could to prevent her from having to put those skills to use.

James and Victoria were vile creatures, almost savages, really. Although surprisingly not completely intimidated by us, they were too consumed with thirst to start a fight. As they disappeared into the shadows, seeking out prey, they wondered who these four vampires with the strange eye color were. I doubted we would ever see them again.

I loved Bella, so, so much. I wanted to spend every day making her happy. After I opened the car door and kissed her cheek, her smile set my heart on fire. She enjoyed my company and had acknowledged the connection between us, but would she ever truly open her heart to me? Would Bella love me, too?

When we returned home, Jasper finally gave a small piece of insight.

" _She's shy, Edward,"_ he thought as he entered the house with Alice. _"You need to tell her how you really feel."_

I trusted that my brother wouldn't encourage me to reveal my heart to Bella if he thought I would be rejected. With a shaky confidence, I followed Bella into the woods.

"You know I'll follow you anywhere, right?" I commented, when Bella stopped running. My tone was playful, but I was being completely serious. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

Bella smiled and nodded, and we held hands as I led her to the meadow. Soon after our family moved to Forks I had discovered it and it had become my refuge when I needed silence. Only the occasional hiker or a family member hunting ever interrupted my thoughts here. Bella was the only person I wanted to share it with. Not because her mind was silent to me, but because I wanted to share my life with her. I wanted Bella to know me truly and deeply. But, the timing had never been right. Our relationship had only recently thawed and I was waiting for the perfect moment. Suddenly, it had finally arrived.

I took her hand in mine and raised it to my lips for a kiss. I was going to declare my love, even if Bella wasn't ready for it, I could no longer hold it in.

"You're my world, Bella. Wherever you are is where I want to be."

In response, Bella hugged me. She initiated! Bella pressed her body against mine and her breathing increased. She was nervous, but she was holding me tightly. I wondered if she was scared.

"Are you alright?" I asked, kissing her forehead. "Don't be frightened by the nomads. They're no threat against our family."

She sighed. "I'm fine. I just wanted to be alone with you."

I responded with a sigh of my own. Bella admitting out loud that she wanted to be alone with me was like music to my ears. I closed my eyes and smiled, reveling in the moment.

I had never been more shocked when I felt Bella's lips pressed against mine, but my body reacted immediately. After months and months of patiently waiting, I was ready to worship Bella. I was under her spell, heart, body and soul. I was hers completely and she needed to know it.

"Bella, I _love_ you," I whispered into her ear. "I love you."

I pulled my head back and waited for her response. She looked me with a hint of amazement in her eyes. And then, instead of saying anything with words, she kissed me.

It wasn't a verbal declaration of love, but it was something.

Bella was kissing me like she _wanted_ me. She had never opened so much of her heart to me before and her passion was overwhelming.

I was going to make love to her. I was going to rip the clothes from her body with my teeth and give her all the pleasure she deserved. I wanted to touch her breasts, feel the warmth of her core tight around me, kiss every inch of her body, make her scream my name in ecstasy. Again and again and again.

But, not yet.

I loved Bella, but I wanted to do things properly. I had already screwed so much up between us; she deserved a proper courtship. I wanted to _marry_ Bella. It was old fashioned, I knew, but she deserved my respect and official commitment. She needed to know very clearly and with obvious action how much she meant to me. My desire to be with her in an intimiate way was overwhelming, but it wasn't the right time.

When Bella's hands wandered to my hips, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop whatever she wanted to start. I pined her down on the ground as a distraction, but she responded by wrapping her legs around me. I was going to fucking lose my mind if we didn't stop immediately.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, everything is perfect," I replied with a kiss.

'Then why did you…stop?"

Bella deserved to know the truth. I didn't want her to think I was rejecting her, however awkward it would be to admit why I had halted things.

"I want our first time together to be special. As much as I want you, as long as I've waited for this….you deserve more."

 _Bella seemed embarrassed and abruptly sat up. "Okay."_

"Please don't be upset," I begged. "You have no idea how close I just came to ripping off your clothes. I would love to ravish you right here, right now, but after all that's happened between us, I didn't want to…."

"It's fine, really. I understand."

Bella stood up. "I'm ready to go home."

I feared that if we left now, in this tension and awkwardness, it would ruin our special evening. "Will you stay with me awhile longer?" I asked. "The silence is really lovely."

To my relief, Bella nodded and rejoined me, lying in my arms as we stared at the night sky. I couldn't remember an evening when I'd ever felt so happy.

Things had once again changed between Bella and I. We had crossed another line and there was a new level of intimacy between us. Bella wasn't as reserved or guarded as she had been in the past. She held my hand and stared into my eyes with wonder. I wasn't going to leave her side. School was nothing to me and Bella was everything.

" _It's time to leave, Edward. And you must go to school today. Bella and Jasper need to have a conversation,"_ Alice's thoughts drifted up to my room, interrupting my worship of Bella.

"Walk me downstairs?" I asked Bella. I would go to school one more day because I trusted my sister, but after that, I was finished for the year. When I returned to school, Bella would be by my side.

Holding hands, we walked down the stairs, but couldn't take our eyes off each other. Alice and Jasper were outside, talking quietly, but when we appeared on the porch, Jasper called out to us.

"Bella, I'm driving Alice and Edward to school today. Want to come along for the ride?"

I didn't know going somewhere with Bella was essential to Jasper's needed conversation with her. How had I missed that? It wasn't safe for Bella to be seen in Forks, with her father still living there and people who knew her when she was human. But, if she went with us, I would have a few more minutes to spend with her…

"Is it safe for me to be seen in Forks?" she asked.

"I see no problems," Alice answered. "The windows are tinted, no one will see you."

 _She'll be fine, Edward. Bella and Jasper will be home waiting for us when school is over. Promise._

Bella looked at me and I smiled.

To my surprise, Bella was a bit distant on the car ride to school. When I tried to pull her into my lap, she scooted to the other side of the seat and seemed embarrassed.

"Why are you driving them to school?" she asked Jasper.

"The high school is paving the parking lot today. They asked all students to either walk or have someone drop them off."

It wasn't a lie. We had been given those instructions on the previous Friday, but I expected that Alice and I would walk down the street and walk.

Alice turned around in her seat, seeming to read my mind for once. "And I'm _not_ walking home in these Manolo Blahniks."

Bella smiled and it gave me a bit of relief. Jasper _did_ say Bella was shy. Maybe she wasn't rejecting my touch, just preferred to be more private in her affection. Carlisle and Esme were more reserved around others, so that made sense.

It was rather chaotic at the school with the construction and a police car was directing traffic. Even though we weren't touching, I could feel Bella become tense.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't know," Alice apologized, recognizing the awkwardness.

"It's not your father," I added, squeezing her hand. "It's just a deputy here to direct traffic."

Bella seemed to relax at my touch and simply nodded in relief.

At the drop off point, Alice gave Jasper a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye. I pulled Bella to join me outside the car. She was nervous, being in public, so I knew I had to say my goodbye quickly. I didn't want to embarrass her, since she seemed to be shy, but I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around her.

"I'll miss you every second of every hour," I confessed and gave her a gentle kiss.

The car behind honked and I knew I couldn't draw more attention to us. I hugged her again, then walked into school, trying to look casual and downplay the notice of others.

I was silly to think they wouldn't notice. I rarely spoke to any girls at the school, other than my sisters, so to kiss a girl in front of dozens of students wandering into school made an impression. Word spread quickly and soon almost every girl in the school was wondering who the dark-haired girl was that I was kissing.

At lunch, Alice mimicked their thoughts.

" _Edward Cullen as a girlfriend?"_ she gasped with sarcasm.

"How did you know that's what people are thinking?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Not hard to guess. After being ignored all year, suddenly everyone is looking at me curiously. Jessica Stanley even had the courage to ask.

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that you _did_ have a girlfriend and that she was visiting from Alaska."

I rolled my eyes. "Alice, that's none of her business."

Alice smiled. "Brother, you made it her business when you kissed Bella in front of the school. Really, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," I admitted with a sigh. "I began to miss her before we even said goodbye."

My sister smiled compassionately. "I'm happy for you Edward. Now do you believe me everything will turn out alright?"

"Maybe," I replied honestly. "I finally told Bella I loved her."

Alice's face lit up with delight. "Did you propose?"

I was taken aback. "Um, no. Why do you think I would do that?"

She laughed. "I know you, Edward."

I smiled. "It's not the right time yet, but I will. Hopefully, soon."

Her brow furrowed. "Why wasn't it the right time?"

"Bella didn't _exactly_ tell me she loved me, too. I _think_ she does, but her mind is a mystery."

Alice nodded in understanding. "Bella is a complex woman," she agreed. "But, she's worth it. Hopefully, Jasper will help her understand what she's feeling."

I trusted Jasper, but I didn't like not knowing what he was planning when it regarded Bella.

"And how will he do that?" I asked.

Alice smiled. "You'll see."


	26. Chapter 26

"There are no secrets in our family. Why don't you tell me about you and Edward?"

Jasper looked at me with a curious smile on his face.

"What do you mean me and _Edward_?"

"You're getting closer," he said.

I nodded. "Yes."

"He loves you. How do you feel about him?"

If I could have blushed, I would have. "You can feel what we're feeling, right?" I responded with embarrassment. "If there are no secrets, why do I need to tell you?"

We were driving slowly down S. Forks Ave, past the local coffee shop and sporting goods store. It was a rainy morning and people were out, but not many to be seen. I was surprised at how relaxed I felt, being out in public in Forks, even though the car protected me from being seen by others. It was a quaint small town and felt vaguely familiar. My human memories were not very clear, but I felt a connection to this town I had lived in for the last two years. Being here was comforting, but also a reminder of the life I would never have. I no longer felt sadness about being a vampire, I had accepted my lot in life. Yet, it still felt strange to be here…and yet not technically exist any longer as Bella Swan.

"That's the thing, Bella," Jasper interrupted my thoughts. "I can't always feel what you're feeling. Your shield is up and down so often I feel like you're giving me whiplash."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Really? I'm…sorry…"

Jasper smiled kindly. "You don't have to apologize. You're entitled to your privacy. Your shield is a gift and I suspect it is very powerful. In fact, this summer I think we should visit our cousins in Alaska. Eleazar could help you develop it."

"So you don't have any idea what I'm feeling?"

"Sometimes I do. When we're alone, you don't use it often. I know that you feel a mix of emotions being in Forks."

"I do," I confessed. "I was just thinking about it. It's just…weird."

"When you're with Edward, you're very guarded. At times you shield only yourself and other times, you seem to be shielding Edward."

Again, I was surprised. "How can you tell? I didn't know that I did that!"

"It's subconsciously done, I believe. For example, this morning, I couldn't feel anything from you and Edward. When the two of you came downstairs, I tried to send peace your way and it bounced back."

I shook my head in amazement. "Wow, I had no idea."

"I also think you're able to shield more than emotions. There have been a few times when your future went blank to Alice. She freaked out. For whatever reason, you have different levels of protection."

Jasper turned to face me. "Bella, you could be the most powerful vampire I've ever met."

Although he was smiling, he was completely serious. I couldn't help but laugh in response.

"Whatever, Jazz," I rolled my eyes with a laugh. Freak of nature was more likely.

Instead of turning to go home, Jasper continued driving on the 101 North.

"Are we going to Seattle?" I asked.

"I thought we could go to Port Angeles, give you exposure to small town life, since you've been captive at home for so long. We can't exactly walk around Forks."

I shifted uncomfortably. When we went to Seattle, Alice and Edward were also there to protect me from myself. I had did not yield to temptation that day, but maybe that had been a fluke?

"Maybe we should hunt first?" I asked.

"Are you thirsty?"

"No, I just thought it might be a good precaution."

"We can if you want," Jasper told me. "But, Bella, you have more control than you realize. You don't have to be afraid of yourself or the power within you."

Was I afraid? Yes. I had been living in fear for a while. I was afraid of my connection with Edward, afraid of my bloodlust.

"You can't live in fear," Jasper added.

I glanced at him. "You're feeling my emotions now?"

He winked at me. "Yes, darlin'. And thank you for sharing them with me."

I groaned. "Maybe I can control my _thirst_ , but it seems like I can't control my shield. Not that I have anything to hide from you Jasper. It's just _frustrating_. What's the good of having it if I don't even know when I'm using it?"

"I understand. It takes time. I didn't fully understand my gift for many years. And for Alice it took awhile, too. But we did and you will, too. We'll help you."

I smiled, feeling sisterly affection for Jasper. I didn't have to say anything; he just smiled in response and sent his own affection my way. From the day I met Jasper and Alice, they had been so kind and patient with me. They were like the brother and sister I never had and even more than that, they were my best friends.

Since Jasper and I both liked to read, we went directly to Port Book and News to browse the aisles. Unlike being in the city, where it was easy to be anonymous amongst the crowds of people, it was obvious we were being watched. The man and woman working behind the counter greeted us politely, then a mixture of curiosity and caution came over their faces. It was subtle thing and for some reason, I remembered our other interactions with humans and their responses to us. What Carlisle had taught me suddenly made sense. As vampires, we were attractive to humans. But, their self protective instincts made them cautious of us, too.

My throat burned at their scents, but it was manageable. I tried to smile at the workers and they responded with dazzled looks on their faces, then I turned my attention to the books. It was difficult to concentrate, though.

Although Jasper didn't push the conversation, I guessed that we would return to it before we returned home. He wanted to know what was happening between Edward and I. But, I didn't fully understand myself.

Edward loved me. At least, that's what he told me. But, how could he love me? Why? Was it out of pity because he took humanity from me? Because we were the only single people in a family of couples? There was undoubtedly a connection between us. I felt it unmistakably. But, was it love? How could it be?

"Feeling conflicted, sister?" Jasper asked, smiling, but showing concern. I instantly relaxed.

"Thanks," I replied. "Sometimes I overthink things."

Jasper chuckled. "That's something you and Edward have in common."

His statement made me curious. Edward overthought things? He seemed so self assured and like he knew exactly what he wanted. I often forgot that Jasper had lived with Edward for several decades and knew him in ways that I did not.

If I talked to Jasper, would he help me understand Edward, too?

"You asked me what was happening between Edward and me," I replied. "To be honest, I don't know."

Jasper wrinkled his brow in confusion. "How could you not know?"

I immediately felt stupid and Jasper's eyes widened feeling my response.

"Sorry," he apologized. "It's just so obvious to everyone in the family. I haven't been able to always gauge your feelings about Edward, but I figured you _knew_."

I frowned. "Knew _what,_ Jasper?

He looked at me in disbelief. "You really don't know?"

I sighed, my frustrating building. "No, tell me."

Jasper took a deep breath and looked directly at me.

"Bella, you and Edward are _mates_."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** This story is taking an unexpected turn. Please be patient. I hope you like it, but understand if this story just might be for my enjoyment. :)

* * *

My stomach filled with nervous butterflies and anxiety began to overwhelm me.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked with worry.

I closed my eyes. "I think so."

He took my arm and began to guide me out of the store. "Let's get go home."

Once in the car, Jasper's remorse was evident.

"Bella, I apologize. It's not my place to intervene in your relationship with Edward. In fact, both Alice and I have tried to be very careful to not be involved and allow things to run its course. Yet, we began to feel compassion for Edward. He was so miserable and we thought a little encouragement from us would help smooth things out between the two of you. But, all this time I thought you accepted Edward as your mate. All the signs were there…"

I reached over and patted his hand.

"It's okay Jasper. Your words didn't offend me, they just surprised me."

He sighed in relief. "I felt your emotions like a slap in the face and then your shield went up. I've never felt such a strong response from you, Bella. During the last two years you've been with us, in all the training and education you've been given, has anyone explained _mating_ to you?"

Anxiety was great within me. I realized I must still be shielding myself because Jasper did not seem to be aware of it. Why did I feel so frightened?

"I understand how sex works," I replied, with snarkyness, trying to appear unaffected, although I was close to having a panic attack.

Jasper, the old fashioned gentleman that he was, smiled shyly. "It's more than that," he explained. "It's obsession and devotion, an eternal commitment."

"Did you know Alice was your mate the first time you saw her?"

"No," he frowned. "I was too depressed. It took me awhile to accept her love, but when I met her I _did_ immediately know my life would never be the same. I found what I had been searching for, even though I didn't understand it."

I knew he had been with a vampire named Maria for many years, but didn't know the exact nature of their relationship.

"Did you love Maria?"

Jasper visibly tensed. "No. I didn't know what love was at the time, but I did feel a connection to her. She was my creator and our relationship was purely physical attraction. Nothing more."

His choice of words alarmed me. _Connection. Physical attraction_. Those words were exactly how I would describe my relationship with Edward. He was my creator and there was no doubt I was physically attracted to him.

What was happening between me and Edward…was it more like Jasper and Alice or Jasper and Maria? I knew that Maria has manipulated Jasper and tried to control him. But, I also remembered that the Denali cousins were very sexually active, to be blunt, and they had lived for centuries without mating.

"Is mating a common occurrence?" I asked.

"It's not rare, but it's not always guaranteed either. Some vampires choose to have companions to help with hunting, loneliness or their physical needs. For example, those nomads we met in Seattle? They were together, but they weren't mates."

"How can you tell?"

"I'm not 100% certain, but the emotions between the pair weren't very strong. The female felt more than the male, definitely."

"And is that how you know Edward and I are mates?"

Jasper smiled. "Darlin, it's been difficult to decipher how you feel about him, but Edward's devotion and love for you is very, very deep. It's not superficial or based on loneliness."

What about _guilt_? I wondered to myself silently. Did Edward feel guilty for changing me and was trying to make up for it by devoting his life to me? And why did I feel such anxiety about the whole thing? What did it matter if Edward and I were mates or not? He told me he loved me. He told me he would follow me anywhere. He was handsome and interesting and I enjoyed being with him. But, if we _weren't_ mates, what would happen if one day Edward _did_ meet his mate? I would be devastated.

There was only one way to know for sure whether Edward was truly my mate or not.

I had to leave.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N** : Sorry for not updating regularly. I've recently went through a period of being obsessed with AH. I stayed up until dawn several nights reading allt he "classics." Never thought I'd read AH, but I guess that's why they say never say never!

This story will soon be ending. Edward and Bella have been separated for long enough, don't you think? Thanks to my beta **Jordynnem** for being so awesome and helping with this chapter.

* * *

When we returned to the Cullen estate, there were still a few hours until Alice and Edward would arrive home from school. Jasper was watching me closely. I suspected he couldn't _feel_ me, since my shield was probably guarding me, but it was obvious I was deep in thought.

I wasn't going to run off without saying goodbye to everyone. The Cullens were my family. I wanted to live with them, but I knew I needed time on my own, too. For almost two years I had been living securely within their protective care. They were all I knew when it came to being a vampire and understanding how that impacted my life. I didn't think they had led me astray or given me false information, but I needed to discover things on my own.

"Jasper, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Bella. What's on your mind?"

I sighed awkwardly. "I've made a decision."

"Decision?"

"I want to do some traveling."

He smiled. "That's a great idea. You've been cooped up here for far too long. Where do you want to go?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"Alice wanted to go to Europe this summer. Does that sound fun?"

I bit my bottom lip. "I think I'd rather travel _alone._ "

"What about Edward?" Jasper replied with surprise. "When we were discussing whether you'd go to New York with the others I felt your reluctance to leave him."

"This is something I have to do. Edward has gone off on his own before, he will understand. "

Jasper raised his eyebrows and seemed to be considering his words carefully.

"If Alice decided to leave me, I would be devastated."

"But, Edward and I aren't you and Alice. We've only recently become _friends_ …"

"Bella," Jasper paused and looked at me with compassion. "Are you running away from Edward?"

"No," I replied immediately, too forcefully.

"The mating bond can be intimidating," he said. "I know Edward has probably overwhelmed you at times, but without betraying his privacy, I can tell you that it's new and confusing for him, too. Let him know how you feel, you can take things slowly."

I plopped down on the sofa and put my head in my hands. "That's the thing, Jasper. I don't even know if Edward is my mate. He's the one that changed me. The connection I feel towards him might only be because of that."

It felt good to say out loud what I'd been thinking to myself all these months whether consciously or not. Jasper sat beside me and remained silent. I took that as his encouragement to continue. I spoke quickly, rushing my words.

"Yes, I'm scared and maybe I _am_ running away. But, I think it's what I need to do. My first year with the family I was a distracted newborn. Then, Edward returns and I ignored him. Now we're friends….or maybe more than friends. Last night he told me he loved me. But, I couldn't say the same thing to him. I'm confused and I need space to think…to understand what I want."

Jasper nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"As we were driving back from Port Angeles, I began to think that I'd like to travel somewhere on my own. Like you said, apart from our trips to Seattle, I've spent most of the last two years in this house. It's a scary idea to mingle with humans, but the more I remain isolated, the harder it is to be around them. When we went to Seattle Alice told me that I'm stronger than I realize. Edward has told me that, too, and so have you in other ways. Well, I need to prove it to myself. The family has been wonderful, but I just…."

Jasper's cell phone rang, causing me to stop talking. He ignored it, but I gave a small smile and laughed. "Sorry, I'm rambling. It's like you're my therapist or something. Please, answer it."

Jasper smiled and pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it in one swift move. "Darlin' – is everything alright?"

I knew it was Alice by the tone of his voice. She rarely called during school hours. From the cell phone, I could hear her sigh with relief.

"Your future disappeared! Where are you? Is Bella okay?"

"We're at home and fine. Sitting in the living room and talking." He glanced at me and smiled. "It seems Bella brought me under her shield. I couldn't feel her emotions and then suddenly I could."

"I haven't been able to see Bella's future at all today, but I was watching you and knew you two were together and safe. Then, suddenly, you were gone. Are you planning to go anywhere else this afternoon?"

"I'll stay home until you get here, darlin."

Alice sighed again. "Thank you. Tell Bella I said hello. Love you both."

"Love you, too."

I felt bad for frightening Alice, but had no idea I had been using my shield. However, I was thankful that she hadn't seen my decision.

"Sorry about that," I told Jasper. "I still don't know how to control my shield."

"It's alright. We could work on developing it, if you want."

I shrugged. "Maybe later."

"Will there _be_ a later?"

Jasper sent a wave of concern my way. I frowned.

"I'll be back," I assured him. "That is, if all of you will have me."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course we will, Bella. You're as much a part of the family as any one of us."

"Thanks."

"When are you planning on leaving?"

"Tonight? I don't know. I guess I need to decide where to go first."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Look, I completely understand why you want to travel on your own, but the world is a dangerous place…."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "I'm a vampire, the world's most dangerous predator. I'll be fine."

"From humans yes, but remember those nomads? Every city has a few and if you're alone they could be a threat."

"You've trained me in defense and fighting for almost two years. And maybe my shield could help, too." As I spoke, I began to feel nervous. Even though I knew how to fight, would I be able to if I was finally challenged?

"I'm not trying to scare you, Bella. I know you can take care of yourself. But, you're my little sister. I'm going to worry and so will Alice. And you know Carlisle and Esme will worry….and Edward? God help us all when he finds out."

"So are you saying I shouldn't go?"

Jasper shook his head. "No. But, why don't you go to Buffalo and stay with Esme, Rosalie and Emmett? It will give you space to think, but no one will have to worry because you'll be with the family."

I hadn't even considered that option, although it seemed to be the obvious choice. It _did_ sound better than something like hitchhiking across the country. After all, I didn't have any money and wasn't sure if I was ready to work with humans. And I didn't necessarily want to start a new life apart from the Cullens….I just wanted to understand how I felt about Edward. I couldn't do that and be with him every day.

"It's not Forks, so there's no need for you to remain hidden. You'll be free to come and go as you please, walk around town like you do in Seattle, maybe even enroll in a class at the local university. But, you won't be alone."

It _did_ sound appealing. I nodded in agreement. "That seems like a good idea."

"Carlisle will be leaving on Thursday night, you could join him."

I sighed. I couldn't wait two days to leave. I feared that as soon as I saw Edward my resolve would melt and I wouldn't be able to leave.

"I need to leave today."

"Why so impatient?"

"Edward has some sort of magical power over me. I _need_ to leave to figure out how I feel about him, but that doesn't mean I _want_ to leave him."

"But, you're sure you want to leave?"

"Yes," I replied with confidence.

"Well, we can talk to Carlisle and see if he'll return to Buffalo today. I'm sure he'll be happy for any excuse to see Esme."

"He just got back this morning," I said, feeling bad. "I wish I had a driver's license so I could rent a car and drive….but, then again, I don't have any money, either."

Jasper's face lit up. "Haven't you heard forgery is one of my many areas of expertise?"


	29. Chapter 29

Jasper and I made our way to the basement, which I rarely entered. It was filled with boxes and furniture, but Jasper went directly to an empty bookshelf. He hit a certain shelf and it opened like a door.

"Seriously? A secret passage way? It's like in the movies!" I exclaimed.

We walked down a long hallway until we reached a steal door. There was a security number pad and Jasper typed in a long code. The door opened and there was another door, with a combination lock.

"Are you hiding nuclear weapons down here or something?"

" _Something_ ," Jasper replied with a wink. The room was large and filled with computer monitors and various machines. There were also stacks of cash sitting on a table in the middle of the room.

"I've actually already been working on this for you," he explained, opening a drawer and pulling out a stack of cards. He laid them on the table.

They were driver's licenses from various states with my photograph on them. The name read _Isabella Masen_.

"It was Alice's idea to give you the last name Mason. In a few decades you can return to Swan, if you like, but for now you could also be a Cullen or Hale. You already know our cover stories. Carlisle, Esme and Edward usually stick with being a Cullen and Rosalie is committed to being a Hale, but the rest of us alternate between a few surnames."

I picked up the New York state card and stared at it. Mason was Edward's last name when he was a human. For some reason, I liked that I was linked to his name. It seemed natural.

"I like it," I replied.

Jasper opened another drawer and pulled out a passport and a fancy looking leather wallet. He handed them to me.

"Your passport, bank and credit cards and a little cash."

I opened the wallet and it had several cards, and twenty crisp one hundred dollar bills. I gasped.

"I can't accept this money!"

"Alice has been playing the stock market for years. Carlisle has also saved and made wise investments. It's part of being a Cullen."

"I just…it feels wrong to take something I didn't earn."

"Bella, you've been adopted into this family, right?"

I touched the locket that hung around my neck that held a photo of the family. "Yes."

"Then, this is your inheritance. Honestly, it would hurt Carlisle and Esme's feelings if you refused their financial support."

Jasper wasn't trying to guilt trip me into accepting the money. I could tell he was being sincere. And I didn't want to offend the two people who had become a mother and father to me. I sighed with reluctance.

"Okay."

He smiled. "It's only money. After being a nomad for so many years, the idea of having money was a difficult adjustment for me, too. But, it's nice to have resources. If for some reason you have to travel in the daytime and are caught in the sun, you can get a hotel room. Sounds simple, but without money, you couldn't do that. Since our family aren't nomads, we need money to blend in with humans."

The last thing Jasper gave me was a cell phone and charger. "I've programmed everyone's number in there for you. It's a satellite phone, so you will get service no matter where you are in the world. It's helpful when we visit the cousins in the wilderness in Alaska or go on extended hunting trips."

"Wow, thanks Jasper. You've thought of everything."

"You're welcome. It's my contribution to the family. Carlisle does laundry, Rosalie fixes the cars, Alice organizes our wardrobes, Edward reads minds…"

I knew Jasper had mentioned Edward for a reason, so I raised an eyebrow and waited for it.

"You _are_ going to say goodbye to him, aren't you?"

"Goodbye is a strong word," I replied, deflecting the question. "I'm just going on a trip."

"Edward will be devastated if he returns from school and you're not here."

"Devastated is another strong word," I protested, walking towards the door.

Jasper followed and locked up the family's secret lair as we made our way back to the first floor of the house. I went to my closet to pack, but soon realized I didn't have a suitcase.

"You can have one of Alice's suitcases," Jasper offered, as I stared at the racks of clothes. Within a few seconds, he returned with a medium sized travel bag.

"Thanks," I replied, taking it.

"You're shield is up again," Jasper commented quietly, a few minutes later as I finished packing. "Do you feel threatened?"

"I'm going to say goodbye to Edward," I answered his earlier question instead of this one. "But, not face to face. It would be too difficult. I don't _want_ to leave him, Jasper. It's just something I know I have to do. Only space will give me the clarity I need."

"Since you don't want to wait to travel with Carlisle on Thursday, we can arrange to have a private plane take you. Or do you want me to book a reservation on a regular flight?"

I shook my head. "I think I'd like to drive, actually. Is there a spare car around that I could borrow?"

Jasper cracked a smile and the tension between us lifted. I was obviously making a joke since the family had a fleet of cars in the garage.

"Hmmm," Jasper scratched his chin. "I don't know, but we could look!"

Although Rosalie and I were close, I didn't dare chose one of her personal cars. It was tempting to take one of Edward's, but I didn't want to impose on him. The safe choice was a black Mercedes SUV that Esme often drove around town.

"I'll be right back," Jasper excused himself and within a few minutes had returned with a New York state license plate and exchanged it with the one on the car. "The car is now registered to Isabella Mason."

"Are you sure Esme won't mind?" I asked.

"Of course not, she'll be thrilled to see you."

Jasper showed me the features of the car, and programmed the GPS with the family's address of the new house in the village outside Buffalo. He then gave a short lecture about driving across the country and what to do if I was pulled over by the police. The car had tinted windows, so I would be able to drive during the daytime.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather fly? It's much quicker."

I glanced at the GPS. "It's only a 44 hour drive, I'll be there before you know it."

Jasper sighed and gave me a hug. "Be safe. Call us if you need anything and definitely call when you arrive."

"I will."

Jasper clicked a button on the wall and the garage door opened. As I drove out and down the driveway, he followed and waved goodbye.

When I reached the interstate, heading towards Seattle, I pulled the phone out of my pocket, searched for the name, and called the number. It was answered after one ring.

"Hello, Edward? This is Bella."


	30. Chapter 30

**EPOV**

For the entire school day I had smile on my face. My classmates definitely noticed and it only seemed to fuel the gossip that was spreading like wild fire. In a small school, in a small town, where nothing ever happened, any news becomes big news.

 _I've never seen Edward Cullen smile._

 _He's in a good mood._

 _I can't believe he has a girlfriend…it's not fair._

Alice checked on Jasper's future occasionally throughout the day and I saw he and Bella were going to Port Angeles. By third period, I had considered skipping the rest of my classes and surprising Bella at home, but if they weren't going to be there, then I decided to wait until the end of the day. There was a month of school left until graduation. I had been to high school a dozen times and didn't want to continue the charade, now that Bella and I were growing closer. At lunch with Alice, I shared with her my intention to drop out of school. Although I knew she would survive without me, I didn't want to leave her all alone, either.

"Of course, I understand," Alice gushed. "We can come up with an excuse." She paused and thought for a moment. "You were offered a summer internship at the UN and it begins immediately. The school will receive a grant for having one of their students serve and you'll be able to graduate early."

Alice had a flair for the dramatic, much like Rosalie did.

"Why can't I just drop out like a normal teenager?"

She laughed. "You're _not_ a normal teenager. You're a Cullen. We don't just _drop out_."

"You won't mind being here alone?"

"It's only a few hours each day and only for a few more weeks. I'll be fine."

"Carlisle is already spending half his time in Buffalo, why don't we move early?" I asked.

"If we move there early, we'll have less time in the area. You know that."

It was true. Due to the fact that we didn't age, the time period we spent in an area had to be carefully considered as to not cause suspicion.

"I guess I'm just anxious for Bella and I to start our lives together as a _couple_."

Alice beamed. "I'm so happy for you Edward! You've waited so long to find love. Bella is wonderful."

"She is," I replied immediately, my thoughts wandering to memories of our night together. My body began to react and I quickly distracted myself to calm down. I tuned in to Alice's thoughts and she had a vision of Bella and Jasper in a car.

"What do you think they are talking about today?"

Alice raised an eyebrow. "You."

"Bella should be talking to _me_ about me."

"Don't be jealous of their relationship, Edward. Jasper is a brother to Bella."

I rolled my eyes, suddenly feeling grumpy.

"I know that, Alice. And I'm not jealous…I just wish Bella would open up to me the way she seems to open up to the other members of the family. She doesn't really _talk_ to me that much."

"Jasper is trying to help with that. We thought that if he could get Bella to talk to him about how she was feeling, since she guards herself so much and we have no idea, it would help her to become more comfortable talking to _you_ about things. We may not remember our human memories much, but our personalities are frozen when we're changed. Bella must have been a very private, reserved human. Be patient with her."

I sighed, missing Bella and wishing I could be with her now. Of course she deserved my patience. She deserved so much more than that. It was selfish of me to want Bella to only talk to me. If she was talking to _anyone_ about how she was feeling, then that was a good thing.

The last class of the day seemed to go by even more slowly than usual. I stared out the window, wondering what Bella and I would do in the afternoon. Would we take a walk in the woods or play the piano together? Would she let me kiss her? Would I be able to stop? How long would be an acceptable period before I proposed to her? I needed to talk to Carlisle about that….

I tuned into Alice's thoughts as she checked on Jasper. He was showing Bella the basement, handing her identification. The name on it said Isabella Masen and I smiled. I knew Jasper would give her a few options and that was the one she chose. It made me happy to see it. Alice's vision then switched to Jasper handing Bella a set of keys and helping her into the driver's side of a car.

Was Bella picking us up from school by herself? I didn't like the idea of her being alone, but maybe she was trying to surprise me? We could drive into the mountains and go to our family cabin that we used occasionally when hunting in severe weather. It would give us privacy. Did I really need to be a gentleman? Bella was a modern woman….maybe we _could_ …

I was ashamed of where my thoughts were leading. Bella deserved to be courted properly, not seduced by me in a cabin in the woods….although maybe once we were married that could be arranged….

The final bell rang and I met Alice outside. Construction was still going on in the parking lot and students were walking down the street to their cars or to those picking them up. Down front and center was Carlisle, standing outside his Mercedes, waiting for me and Alice.

I looked at Alice, slightly confused because of the vision she had of Bella driving. Her thoughts were guarded. She was singing the national anthem to herself, which she often did when she didn't want me to know something. I glanced back at Carlisle. His thoughts were also guarded, but I could detect they were full of concern for me.

My phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but answered it immediately.

"Hello, Edward? It's Bella."

I sighed with relief. "Hi," I replied, yearning to see her face. "I missed you today."

"I missed you, too."

Alice motioned towards the car and she and I walked to the car. Carlisle smiled at us and I got in the backseat, allowing Alice to sit in the front.

"Where are you? Carlisle is here, but I thought you and Jasper would pick us up?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling. I'm taking a little road trip."

"Road trip?"

"I decided to drive across the country to visit Esme, Emmett and Rosalie in Buffalo."

My mouth dropped open in shock. She wasn't going to Seattle or Portland. She was driving thousands of miles across the country…away from me. I tried very hard to maintain a calm voice.

"By _yourself_? How long have you been planning this?"

"Yes, by myself," she responded, with a hint of annoyance. "Jasper and I were talking this afternoon and I realized it was something I needed to do."

"When are you leaving?"

"I've already left, but I wanted to call and let you know what was going on. Sorry I didn't wait until you came home….I just needed to leave early to beat the rush hour traffic in Seattle."

I glanced at Carlisle and Alice who gave each other knowing looks. They were still guarding their thoughts, though, and that was frustrating. What were they hiding?

"I could have gone with you," I muttered, feeling confused. Why would Bella leave right after I told her I loved her?

"I know, but you have school to finish.."

"Why Bella?" I whispered. "Why are you doing this?"

The line was silent for a moment, then Bella spoke.

"It's not you, Edward. It's me. I've been isolated in Forks for too long. I need time on my own to figure things out."

"We could figure things out _together_ ," I replied, almost whimpering.

There was another period of awkward silence. Then she responded.

"I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Goodbye, Edward," she whispered and the line went dead.

I slumped down in my seat and closed my eyes. In the morning I was the happiest I had ever been and only hours later I was now feeling like my world had collapsed.

Bella was leaving because of me. I had overwhelmed her. It was too soon to tell her I loved her. But, she kissed me in response. Her body was responding to me, even if she didn't put it into words. We were _mates_. There was a connection between us. Why was she running away? Why would she need time alone?

As soon as Carlisle pulled into the driveway of our house, I had made my decision. I was going after Bella. I had once told her I would follow her anywhere and I meant it. I was convinced that if we only talked, really talked, that I would be able to help her see that we were made for each other. She was my destiny and I was hers.

"You're going to New York," Alice commented, following me into the house.

"Yes."

"Bella said she needs time alone. Driving from Forks to Buffalo should be enough time. Then, we need to talk. Are you able to see Bella's future?"

Alice shook her head sadly. "No, I think she may be blocking me. But, she does it without realizing...maybe I could ask her to relax and open up?"

I grabbed a bag and began stuffing it with clothes. "No, she deserves her privacy. She had a phone, we can call her every few hours to make sure she's safe. When she gets to New York, I'll be there waiting for her."

Jasper walked into the room, a cautious look on his face. "You're not angry at me."

"Why would I be?" I asked while zipping up the bag.

"I let Bella leave. And I gave her the resources to do so."

Was Jasper influencing me? I felt anxious about Bella, but did name blame Jasper for her leaving.

"Everyone in the family makes their own decisions, Bella included."

Alice wrapped her arms around Jasper. "Bella wanted to travel to some random place. Jasper convinced her to go to the family in Buffalo."

In his thoughts, Jasper quickly recall his conversation with Bella.

"Thank you, Jasper," I replied with sincerity. Although I didn't like the idea of Bella driving cross country by herself, at least I knew where she was going. If she had spontaneously decided to disappear, I definitely would have exploded in worry.

"Wish me luck," I told the pair and turned to run down the stairs. "Carlisle, I need the jet. Would you make arrangements? I'm going to Buffalo."

My father nodded and smiled. He seemed proud of me. "By the time you reach Port Angeles, it will be ready to go."

I sighed and returned the smile. "Thanks."

An amazing sense of determination overwhelmed my senses. Bella and I were meant to be together. I wouldn't force her to be with me, but I knew she felt the connection, too. She even admitted it. Whatever she was afraid of, we would work it out together.

Jumping in my Volvo, I raced to the airport in Port Angeles. Although I didn't know if Bella was even out of Washington state yet, she certainly wasn't close to New York. There was no need for me to hurry and yet I felt a sense of urgency. Once I arrived, I would ask Esme for advice. She knew Bella better than almost anyone.

Heading north on the 101, passing Lake Pleasant, I saw a car on the side of the road. There was no reason I should have paid special attention to it, except for the fact that I knew that car intimately. It was the one I had bought Esme for her birthday - a black Mercedes SUV.

My mind whirled, making the connection. This was the car in Alice's vision from earlier in the day. This was the car Bella was driving.

Slamming on the brakes, I pulled to the side of the road and leaped out. When I reached the SUV, no one was there, but the aroma of conflicting scents overwhelmed me. Anger and a fierce desire to protect my mate rushed through my body.

 _Where_ was Bella and _who_ was she with?


	31. Chapter 31

**BPOV**

As I said goodbye to Edward and hung up the phone, I immediately felt homesick. Where was home anyway? Forks? With the Cullens? With Edward?

I was glad that I hadn't said goodbye to Edward in person. Otherwise, I don't think I would have ever had the strength to leave. It took every ounce of will power to not immediately turn the car around and head back to the house. I sighed in frustration and rolled down the windows of the car. It was warm outside, although still cloudy, and the air whipping through my hair made me feel a bit more relaxed. I hadn't been alone, really alone, since before the plane crash. There was usually always someone in the house, or at least within yelling distance. It felt weird, but kind of nice to be by myself. Except, I already missed Edward and I was barely fifty miles from Forks.

I thought about why I was trying to put distance between us. I was scared of the unknown. Yes, I could admit that to myself. Why was I so afraid of my relationship with Edward? He loved me. He was interesting and kind and devastatingly handsome. _My_ feelings for him were intense. But, was it love or just a connection? Did it matter?

" _Well, Bella,"_ I thought to myself. _"You have at least 2,000 miles of solitude to figure it out."_

Suddenly, I heard a loud thump on the roof of the car and then a head appeared in the driver's side window.

"Boo," a man greeted, as if he were a ghost. But, he wasn't, of course. I recognized his scent.

He was a vampire.

The man disappeared and I slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. My protective instincts shot through me like electricity. Jumping out of the car, I crouched down and scanned the area, looking for the man. He was on the edge of the woods, along with a woman with red hair. I recognized them as the nomads we'd met in Seattle. What were they doing here?

The woman glanced over her shoulder and motioned for me to follow them into the forest. They had their backs turned to me and it seemed they wanted to talk. I was wary, though, and nervously looked at the car and then back at the woods. If I kept driving, would they continue to bother me until I stopped? Maybe I could just politely say hello and then continue my trip? Should I call Edward first? No, I didn't want to bother him. And as I patted my pocket, I realized the phone was still in the car.

Cautiously, I followed the couple in the woods. They didn't go very far off the road and stood in a clearing, waiting for me. I almost smiled, realizing that the last two vampires I met in the woods had been Alice and Jasper, rescuing me from the plane crash.

"Hello," the man greeted me with a smile, but I knew immediately it was not a friendly one.

I crossed my arms and didn't reply.

"Do you remember us?" the woman asked. "I'm Victoria and this is James. We met you and your coven in Seattle."

I nodded. "I do."

I glanced from James to Victoria, realizing I had made a mistake to try to talk to these nomads. It was clear from the hostility radiating from them they were not like the Cullens. These were not civilized vampires. My body tensed.

"Your leader was _so_ confident," James remarked, with obvious disdain, referring to Jasper, the one who had spoken for us. "And the other two were _so_ knowledgeable. _Gifted_ , no doubt. But, they're not here now, are they?"

Victoria laughed. "When you told us that you maintain a permanent residence in the region, we were intrigued. We've never met other creatures like your coven - with your fancy clothes and cars and the strange color of your eyes. It's almost as if you're pretending to be _human_."

"It's really pure luck that we encountered you," James added. "I'm good at tracking, but expected it to be at least a few weeks before we found one of you."

He stopped and looked at me curiously. "You must be confident like your leader to follow us into the forest like this...or very stupid."

James and Victoria began to slowly walk towards me. If I ran, I knew they would chase me and I would be at a disadvantage.

I was speechless, my mind racing, trying to plan an escape. It _was_ stupid of me to follow them, but I wasn't a stupid vampire.

"You met four of us," I replied. "But, there are four more...e _ight_ of us, actually. And you're right, we _are_ gifted. They know where I am and will be here soon. Unless you want your limbs torn from your body, I suggest the two of you leave immediately."

Truth mixed with lies. There were eight of us, but three of them were thousands of miles away. And, although they probably didn't know where I was, I desperately hoped Alice was watching out for me. I spoke with more courage than I felt. Jasper had taught me everything he knew about fighting. Would I be forced to use my skills?

James laughed, not alarmed by my threat. " _Eight_ of you? That's ridiculous. I've never heard of such a large coven, other than the Volturi. When Victoria and I finish tearing the limbs from _your_ body and when your coven finds your ashes..." he stopped and laughed again. "Well, it will be a clear message that the region doesn't belong to them."

Victoria nodded. "We like this area and want to stay. It shouldn't be too difficult to track down your coven one by one and destroy them like we're going to destroy you."

Fear overwhelmed me, but not for my own life. Edward! No, they couldn't hurt him...or the others. I wouldn't allow it. With my instincts taking over, a growl erupted from deep within my chest and I crouched to prepare to attack.

Before I could take a step, there was noise in the distance. James and Victoria were caught off guard, and glanced at me with surprise, seeming to finally believe me that my family was near by. But, I knew that it wasn't possible for Edward or Alice, Jasper or Carlisle, to reach me so quickly. The sounds, the rustling of the trees and crunching of the ground, were too loud and too fast to be animals or humans. Could it be more nomads?

Everything happened very quickly. Seven large wolves surrounded us, growling and snapping. James tried to run, but was smacked to the ground and then ripped to shreds. Victoria used the distraction to make her own escape and a few wolves chased after her. I stood paralyzed, watching James be destroyed. When I threatened to tear the limbs from his body, I didn't really mean it. And yet here I was, watching it happen. I felt no desire to protect him. He was only seconds away from trying to kill me. But, I was too scared to leave.

Within seconds, James was dismembered and the wolves turned to face me. It was difficult to read their expressions, but they seemed confused. I took the opportunity to try to plead for my life.

"Please, don't hurt me. I'll leave and won't return. I'm not a threat. That man and woman were about to kill me. You saved my life."

It didn't work. The wolves howled and charged at me, but to my shock bounced off an invisible wall that seemed to be surrounding me. My shield!

The wolves whimpered in pain and tried again. They were still blocked.

I didn't know if I moved whether my shield would move with me. The wolves began to circle around me.

We were at a standstill and I had no idea what to do.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** Thanks to my beta **Jordynnem** for helping with this chapter!

* * *

 **EPOV**

My phone rang. It was Alice.

"The nomads from Seattle, they met up with Bella. She decided to go with them."

"Bella is leaving us?" I gasped.

"No….I don't know…she decided to follow them into the woods and then she disappeared."

"Why would she do that?" I exclaimed, searching the car. The keys were still in the ignition, and Bella's bag and phone were on the passenger seat. If she were truly leaving, she wouldn't have abandoned her belongings.

"Can you track where I am?" All our phones had GPS tracking in case of emergency. "Bella must be somewhere near where she left her car…at least I hope so."

"We'll meet you there," Alice replied.

"Hey, Alice," I called out before she hung up. "…along with Bella's scent I can detect the nomads scents, too. But, there is another smell…it's repulsive."

"Not a vampire?"

"Definitely not. And not human, either. Be careful."

I began to follow Bella's scent and concentrated on picking up any thoughts in the region. It was eerily silent, which meant there wasn't anyone around within a two-mile radius. As I headed west, I began to detect scattered thoughts….it was strange. It was as if there was one mind, but several different voices. When I came close enough, what I saw made me stand completely still.

The thoughts were coming from wolves… _werewolves_ , but there were human thoughts. Queilietes. Maybe seven or eight at least. They were anxious and confused and were all looking at Bella who was standing before them, crouching in a defensive position.

Bella was alive. I sighed in relief, but still trembled with concern. She was in danger. The wolves were in a confused frenzy.

 _Why can't we kill this bloodsucker? Does she have magical powers or something?_

 _Why is she just standing there?_

 _It's crazy, but she looks familiar. I think I know her…._

One of the wolves had a memory of what happened moments before…the wolves attacked her, but a force field around Bella wouldn't allow them to get close to her.

"I'm not a threat," Bella pleaded. "My name is Bella Swan…."

The wolves began to howl hysterically.

" _Charlie's daughter? I thought she died in the plane crash."_

" _I saw her with Edward Cullen in Seattle…I knew she looked familiar. Damn, Bella, was he the one who made you become a monster?"_

One of the men phased into human form, and dressed in a pair of shorts before returning to face Bella. The wolves stood around him in a protective circle.

"Bella? Do you remember me?" the man asked.

She looked confused by the question, as well as by the fact there was now a human standing before her. "Sorry, I don't remember much from my human life."

"My name is Jacob Black. I'm Billy Black's son. He's friends with your dad, Charlie."

Bella gasped and her eyes filled with pain. "We used to play together when I would visit Forks in the summer."

Jacob nodded. He wasn't hostile, but he was definitely on guard, ready to phase back into wolf form at any moment.

"How did this happen to you?"

If Bella claimed to be a Cullen and told the truth that I changed her, then it would be admitting we broke the treaty and they would have full right to attack the family.

"I was in a plane crash…but, then…instead of dying I started burning. I didn't know what was happening."

Jacob felt compassion for Bella, but was also in shock. "You've been like this for _two years_? Have you been in Forks the whole time?"

She nodded. "The Cullens found me…and taught me how to feed off of animals instead of humans. I've never attacked anyone."

"Your eyes are the same color as the Cullens," Jacob acknowledged.

"So it's true?" now Bella had questions. "The Quileutes are werewolves?"

"We protect our people from bloodsuckers like you."

Bella looked hurt at the hostility in Jacob's words.

"Are you going to kill me?" she asked, straightforwardly.

He shrugged. "I honestly don't know. How do you know the other two bloodsuckers?"

"I _don't_ know them! They were trying to kill me before you arrived."

The air was tense. Without explanation, Jacob stepped back into the woods, then re-emerged in wolf form. The pack was contemplating what to do.

" _She's lying. How can she not remember who made her a monster?"_

" _We don't know how that stuff works…maybe she's telling the truth."_

" _Her eyes don't lie. She hasn't fed on a human, at least not recently."_

" _If we let her go, what if she comes back to attack?"_

" _Man, this is Charlie's daughter. We can't kill her."_

The debate went back and forth for a half hour. Other wolves returned, triumphant that they had destroyed Victoria, too. I realized that James must have already been killed.

During the discussions of the pack, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper found me in the woods, surprised that I was not frantically searching for Bella.. I quickly briefed them on the situation and Alice began running scenarios in her head of different decisions we could make to save Bella.

Jacob returned to human form. "Did the Cullens make you this way?"

Bella gasped. "No, they're good people! If they hadn't been there for me, I would've become like those two nomads. But, I'm not. I've lived in the area for two years and never attacked a human. And believe it or not, I was actually leaving town before those nomads tried to attack me…did you see my car on the side of the highway? "

Jacob crossed his arms and frowned. "We don't trust bloodsuckers. You should be killed."

Outwardly, he was being strong, but his thoughts revealed that he didn't want to kill Bella.

"If you were going to kill me, you would have done it by now," she replied, showing no fear.

"You have some magical force field protecting you. Why haven't you tried to run away?"

Bella didn't know how to answer that without showing weakness.

"I'm not a savage, Jacob. I want to leave, yes, but I want to do it peacefully."

Jacob snickered. He felt compassion for Bella, but didn't trust her, either.

She frowned. "How's Charlie doing?" she asked, showing vulnerability for the first time.

Jacob's thoughts revealed he was shocked that a vampire would have any feeling.

"He's okay…he took your death really hard, of course."

"I miss him."

There was silence and then Jacob sighed loudly in frustration.

"I'm only doing this because of _Charlie,_ understand? You can leave, but you can never return to Forks...or even Washington state. If you do, we will find a way to kill you, magical shield or not."

The wolves began to howl, seeming to disagree with Jacob's decision. But, they didn't move from their protective stance around him.

"What about the Cullens? Will you attack them for helping me?"

"If they didn't change you, then no."

"Thanks."

Jacob glared at her, but his thoughts revealed pity.

"Will you take care of Charlie for me?" she asked.

He nodded.


	33. Chapter 33

**Bella**

Inwardly, I was trembling as I backed away from the wolf pack. They had believed my lies, by some miracle, and were letting me go without a fight. I was nervous, yes, but also overwhelmed by talking to Jacob about Charlie. I hadn't allowed myself to think much about my human life, but the conversation made me realize I would _always_ miss my father. It made me feel better to know Jacob would look after him, but the ache would remain.

When it felt safe to turn around, I ran to where I left the car on the side of the road. Without thinking twice, I jumped into the driver's seat, turned the ignition to start the car and sped away. Finally alone, I allowed myself to breathe and sobs racked my body.

I had to warn the family about the wolves, but I couldn't return to Forks. Reaching for my phone, I dialed Edward's number. He answered it on the first ring.

"Look behind you," he answered.

I glanced in the rear view mirror and to my surprise saw Edward's Volvo trailing me. Peace overwhelmed me. I instantly felt safe.

"Did Alice see...?" I gasped.

"I followed you," he replied. "Look, I'll explain once you're safe. Drive to the Port Angeles airport. There's a plane waiting."

"Are you coming with me?" I whispered.

He was quiet, then finally replied. "Yes."

"Good," I sighed in relief.

Edward's car took the lead and I followed, speeding down the 101 until we reached the city limits. We went directly to a private hangar at the airport and as soon as we parked, I jumped out of the car and ran to Edward. He opened his arms to welcome me.

"You're safe," he whispered, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck. "I'm never letting you go."

I sighed, never wanting to _be_ let go.

"Where are we going?" I asked. Since I was originally heading to Buffalo, I assumed that's where we were heading, but now I wasn't so sure.

"Alaska. I think we need to spend some time alone together."

My eyes widened and Edward suddenly looked unsure.

"Is that okay with you?" he asked.

I nodded eagerly.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Only one more chapter after this...enjoy! Thanks to my beta **Jordynnem**!

* * *

Edward took my hand and kissed it, then led me up the stairs of the jet, nodding to the crew as we passed. As he sat in one of the plush leather chairs, he gently pulled me to sit on his lap.

Cradling me in his arms, he left a trail of kisses from my ear to my bottom lip, sending chills all over my body.

"I'm sorry for leaving," I whispered. "It was silly and I was confused. But, now I know."

His eyes wrinkled in confusion. "Know what?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but the pilot interrupted.

"Mr. Cullen, we're ready to depart," he spoke, after clearing his throat.

Edward glanced at the man and nodded, then returned his attention to me.

"You were saying?" he asked.

For fear of being interrupted again, I thought it would be better to discuss things with Edward when we were truly alone. I changed the subject.

"Do you know what happened?" I asked.

"Partly. After you called, I decided to follow you. Remember how I told you I would follow you _anywhere_? I meant it. I was going to fly to Buffalo and wait for you to arrive...that's why the jet is ready to go. As I was leaving town, I spotted your car on the side of the road."

I groaned in embarrassment. "James and Victoria, the nomads...I was so stupid to think they just wanted to _talk_ to me. I followed them...I didn't know what else to do."

Edward kissed my cheek. "You're very brave," he replied with affection. "I followed the scents and when I was close enough, I started hearing the wolves...and...well, you have no idea how worried I was. But, you handled yourself with remarkable strength, Bella. I'm amazed."

He looked at me with reverence in his eyes and it unnerved me.

I shrugged shyly. "I lied, but I don't feel bad about it. I knew they wouldn't be able to accept the truth and I didn't want to put the family in danger."

"Did you use your shield on purpose to guard yourself or did it just happen?"

"It just happened...does Carlisle, Alice and Jasper know?"

Edward nodded. "I called when I found your car and they met me in the woods...I updated them. Even though you smoothed things over with the wolves, we decided it would be best to leave the area immediately. They're packing up the house now."

I sighed. "Sorry that I made such a mess."

"Are you serious? You saved our lives! We were pushing our luck staying in the area this long after we had broken the treaty. I'm surprised there wasn't a confrontation sooner."

"Still...if I hadn't followed the nomads, the wolves wouldn't have discovered me and..."

"It would have been much worse," Edward finished the sentence for me. "I caught Victoria's thoughts before the wolves killed her...she was planning on finding the rest of us and avenging James' death. They were already tracking our family. God, Bella, I'm never letting you go again, but I'm thankful that you were so calm and self-reliant. You protected the family in more ways than one."

I rested my head on his chest. "I'm just glad it's over."

Edward ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed my neck. We sat in silence as the plane taxied down the runway and took off into the evening sky. Occasionally Edward would kiss my forehead, my cheek, my neck, my hand, or tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I stared up at him with my own private sense of wonder.

Now I knew..that I _loved_ this man. Truly, I loved him more than anything in existence. Coming so close to be being attacked and the very idea of Edward being in danger destroyed any and every bit of confusion I had about my feelings for him. It came from my core, this overwhelming sense of protectiveness for him. I would have killed every one of those wolves, even Jacob, had they gone after Edward.

I saw Edward so clearly now, with such sharp perspective. He was my _mate_. It wasn't just a connection we shared because he had changed me...we belonged to each other. I was his and he was mine. Forever.

"I'd love to know what you're thinking," Edward whispered, with a smile.

I returned the smile, but felt kind of shy and didn't say anything in response.

"You seem happy," he added.

I nodded. "I am...because you're with me."

Edward cupped my face with his hand and leaned down and gently pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was heavenly and it set my core on fire. Desire shot through me, but I tried to calm myself by breathing evenly. The last time I had allowed myself to get carried away, Edward had put a stop to it. I didn't want to repeat that embarrassment. He had no idea how he affected me.

"Where are we going in Alaska?" I asked, pulling back slightly.

Edward opened his eyes and blinked, as though coming out of a stupor. "Um...to Denali. We have a family cabin."

"How long are we staying?"

"For as long as you'd like," he replied.

"Just the two of us?"

"Yes, just the two of us."

My happiest memories were of spending time alone with Edward and I was excited that we were going away together, even though it was totally unexpected. Earlier in the day I had been practically running away _from_ him and now I was running away _with_ him. I smiled again at the irony of it all.

The plane landed in Anchorage and a car was waiting for us. Edward drove us an hour outside the city and then explained we would need to run the rest of the way. He took my bag, then held my hand, and led me through the woods.

The family "cabin" was as big as a lodge, but it was discreetly nestled underneath a grove of trees. The lights were on and I was surprised by that.

"Is someone here?" I asked.

Edward shook his head. "No, our Denali friends came by earlier and prepared the house for our arrival. They've gone back home."

There was a keypad that unlocked the door. Even though it was in the wilderness, the Cullens had a state of the art security system installed. As we stepped inside, the decor reminded me of our home in Forks - lots of windows, natural tones, modern furniture. Everything was spotlessly clean, warm and inviting.

"Does the family come here often?" I asked, glancing at the photos on the wall. It was difficult to determine the time period of some of the pictures, but there were several of the family on "hunting" trips, fishing, and hiking. Tanya, Irina, Kate, Carmen and Eleazar were also included in many photos.

"About once a year," Edward answered.

My eyes remained on a photo of Edward and Tanya. Of course, I remembered when they first came to visit and the impression I got that something was happening between the two of them. I had been insanely jealous at the time, but I didn't realize why.

"Were you and Tanya ever... _together_?" I asked.

He seemed shocked by my question. "No!" he exclaimed, almost too forcefully. "She's a family friend, that's all."

"You never had feelings for her? She's gorgeous and she seems to really like you..."

Edward's eyes darkened, but he wasn't angry. He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Bella, you're the only woman I've ever loved. You're the only woman I've ever _wanted._ "

He kissed me passionately and as he leaned against me, pressing me against the wall, I _felt_ how much he wanted me.

"I'm a traditional man," he whispered, pressing our foreheads together. "But, I don't think I can keep my hands off of you anymore. I _need_ you, Bella."

His hands moved from my shoulders, cupping my breasts, tracing my curves, until he grabbed my waist and kissed me once again. Then, to my surprise, he knelt down before me and bowed his head. It almost looked like he was praying.

"Edward?" I whispered, confused. But, then he looked up at me with a brilliant smile and took a small velvet box from his pocket.

"Bella Swan, will you marry me?"


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Thanks to **Jordynnem** for her help with this chapter! And thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you that have read and supported this story!

* * *

"I love you and want to spend eternity by your side. Please, marry me, Bella."

There was such affection and adoration for me in Edward's eyes that I forgot to breathe. He opened the velvet box to reveal an elegant diamond ring. I stood before him in shock. Did vampires get married? Yes, all the couples in the family had weddings - several in fact, for Emmett and Rosalie. Earlier when Edward told me I deserved more and now when he told me he was traditional...this is what he meant. He wanted me to be his _wife._

"Yes," I whispered, with butterflies of happiness and nervousness in my stomach. There would never be anyone for me besides Edward Cullen. I knew that without a doubt.

Edward himself looked like he was going to burst with joy. In one graceful move, he slipped the ring on my finger then took me in his arms and dipped me into a kiss. We gazed at each other in amazement.

"I love you," I said, touching his cheek. "I love you so much."

He closed his eyes and smiled. "This feels unreal."

"It's real," I replied, kissing him again.

Our kissing became more and more fervent and we began tearing at one another's clothes. Edward placed his hands on mine as I went to button his shirt.

"We can go slow," he cautioned.

I looked up into his eyes. "Don't you think we've waited long enough? I want you."

"You do?"

How could Edward doubt my desire for him? I simply nodded and continued to unbutton his shirt. I needed to feel his skin against mine. I wanted to please him.

He was mine from the moment I laid eyes on him...it just took me a long time to realize it. All those wasted months when we could have been together...it almost made me sad. But, I was thankful he was here with me now, touching me, kissing me, feeling me, wanting me...just as much as I wanted him.

Edward lifted me into his arms and carried me into one of the bedrooms, kicking off his shoes in the process. He stood me next to the bed and then carefully began to undress _me_ , starting with my shoes and socks, then my blouse, and my pants, until I was standing before him in my underwear.

"You're so beautiful," he gasped, shaking his head in awe.

I began to unbutton his pants and they dropped to the floor.

We stood exposed and smiling shyly at one another.

"I've never done this before," Edward confessed. "Please be patient with me..."

"Thank you for waiting for me," was all I could reply.

Climbing on the bed, we actually _ripped_ the remaining fabric from our bodies as I laid down and Edward covered me. Even though the desire felt urgent, we took our time, exploring and discovering one another. For someone who had never done this before, Edward was certainly knowledgeable about how to give me the most intense pleasure imaginable. Wave after wave after wave of release and my desire for him only continued to grow.

As we became one, I screamed out in ecstasy. Worried, Edward asked if he had hurt me, but I shook my head and begged for more. It was as though the connection we shared had finally been consummated and sealed for eternity. Our bond was bathed in concrete.

Gentle thrusts, followed by harder ones, our bodies joined together in perfect rhythm. Pleasure upon pleasure, bliss upon bliss. Edward found his own release, crying out in a guttural moan.

"You're mine," Edward whispered, collapsing on top of me, placing his head on my bare chest.

"I'm yours."

THE END


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